Saturday, July 16, 2011

Lion Beer Stout

Lion Beer first was sold in the 1840s. It briefly was made in India as they slowly renovated a new brewery in the early 20th century. No one really speaks that this new factory was erected over a Native American Turd Farm. Theory, urban folklore, or discreditable drunks have nearly proven that the fabled ghost of SackOfShitWeah haunts each of their bottles with fecal matter mixed with horse blood. The taste of this stuff is, in fact, suspect as hell. First off, I give zero points to Lion Beer for renovating their website as I'm covering their beer; the nerve. Second of all, I did the flashback the internet thing to their old website which is no more helpful than the "we're under construction page" their current website illustrates.

This poopmachine is actually not all bad; believe it or not. It has a strong chocolate and coffee smell but has the taste of literally; nothing. So after you taste nothing, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Which boggles the mind and a little bit of the soul. Plus, it leaves a thick, syrupy sediment on the bottom of your glass. I understand the science and requirements of sediments in beer but I sorta expected this stout to be a little different. I mean I wheaty, or hoppy beer, YES a little sediment is expected. But this was literally like if you made chocolate milk with white milk and chocolate syrup and didn't take the time to stir it. That bad. So some of the good points as I was alluding to earlier is A.) the price and B.) the strength. This stuff was $4 for a 22 which rivals Snow Cap as steal of the year; though Snow Cap is much more delicious. The next tidbit is that this sucker has an ABV of 8.80% which is strong enough to kill a computers brain! And you don't really taste the alcohol; maybe its festering in that thick syrup. It definitely doesn't have the horrid taste of booze like Kaper's 8.7% disaster.

If you are a bum reading this and trying to get your rocks off, first I would ask you why you are on the interwebz in the first place, and second of all, as long as you given up on dignity, I'd go with this beer. If you are anyone else I would definitely encourage you to look the other way. Stouts should be flavorful and enjoyable to drink and this is neither. If Sri Lanka is calling this beer, maybe we were better off when they were Ceylon!

Note: I understand other beer reviews sites rate this higher, like with A- and shit so I'm convinced they are all on ludes.

Drinkability: 3/10
Taste : 1/10
Value: 8/10
Curb Appeal: 2/10

Overall: 3.5/10

1 comment:

  1. maybe if you weren't such a cranky-pants you would've liked it more