Ayinger - Bräu Weisse

So first let me start out that if you look at my profile I’m about as much of a hefeweizen fan as I am a fan of DQ's Peanut Buster Parfait, and I HATE the parfait. Sounds crazy I know, but it makes me sick and peanuts are a worthless nuts unless taken from the shell. But, I decided if my reviews are gonna be worth the screen they're written on then I need to dabble in to all styles. I've been sluggin hefe's the past few weeks so here goes.

If you wanna check out some info on Ayinger check out a past review here.

This was Ayinger Bräu Weisse. I'll start by saying the label and cap really make me feel warm inside. I like when a company puts some effort in the cap rather than the standard cap for all their brews, so points for that. Now the beer poured a nice farmy straw color which matches the artwork, with a nice frothy head. I've read that this beer on tap doesn't have the same effect, so for all those Ayinger reps reading this, might wanna educate your customers of proper serving psi. The smell is of citrus and slight banana, and the taste is the same with an addition of vanilla and some mild spice. As most hefe's this has that velvety mouth feel that relates to the style.

This went down fast and I could probably drink a dozen in a row. Really good summer beer, and would be quite refreshing after doing some lawn work.

The ABV is 5.1% and price was free for me from a beer trade at work. I traded some Magic Hats and a couple Yueng's, so I definitely made out on the deal, but I'm assuming 5-6 bones a bottle. Decent deal on a session-able hefe.

Drinkability: 8/10
Taste: 7/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 7/10

König Ludwig Weiss Beer

Crank it brah.

This is a beer review of König Ludwig Weiss Beer, the first review of this German brewer.

This beer, like most European breweries, is older than dirt. This particular brewery kicked off in 1260. This date is most notable for when Genghis Khan's grandson conquered Damascus (729 years before Genghis, himself, conquered Oshman's Sporting Goods). The brewery is located in Fürstenfeldbruck and in 1292, this dude, Herzog Rudolf, built up this badass castle there which is still part of the brewery today, though that didn't actually take place there until 1870. It was pretty much just a boring castle for the first 500 years. It got destroyed a handful of time during wars and shit, but rebuilt, destroyed, rebuilt...you get the idea.

The slogan for this beer is "Bier von königlicher Hoheit". At a glance any nerd can tell you this translates to "Beer for Hobbits", but apparently is actually translates to "Beer of the Royal Highness"; though I always thought that was Miller High Life. You learn something new every day.

So these characters brew a handful of libations. Most notably, their Dunkel, Hefeweissen, and Light. I should also mention, whenever you drink "hell" beer; that's German for light. I still would refrain from ordering it in front of your family though so they don't hear all your swears. But this is a review of the Hefeweissen.

So the appearance is pretty self explanatory if you look at the dang picture above. Its relatively clear for a wheat beer. It's got a decent, clean head and about three quarters head on it's shoulders.

The taste is wheaty and dry with a bitter after taste. It's dryness doesn't really leave your mouth for a while and I feel I could really whistle after polishing off a few of these bad boys. The babe behind the counter tossed a lemon in there which I found to be delightful. I should mention that I rode my bike a few miles to this place and I really needed to wet my whistle. This stuff went down real easy and was real light and hit the spot like I can't even explain.

It wasn't the cheapest beer in the world, go figure, and cost $7 for half a liter, but you can get a 6-pack of 11.2ozers for $9. Would I spend $7 for another, probably not. But I would definitely pick up a sixer on the run. The label is old school and regal as shit; so people would know you're legit when you roll up with some of this stuff. It's got a 5.5% ABV and is so easy to crush you'll probably get hellawasted off of 12 beers in 10 minutes; especially if it's hot out.

Drinkability: 9.0/10
Taste: 9.0/10
Value: 4.0/10
Curb Appeal: 7.0/10

Overall: 7.25

Weihenstephaner's Vitus Weizenbock

Anyone who knows me knows that Weihenstephaner is my favorite German brewing company; that's just booze 101 as far as I'm concerned.  I initially reviewed the brewery here.  So when I went to a German beer hall and saw three beers from them on tap I says to myself, I says, "Hey, why don't I get me one of those."  Spoiler alert: I did.

Anything worth doing is worth doing right, so I ordered a liter of this stuff; costed $20. If you aren't a mathemagican that breaks down to around $6 for 12 ounces; depending on the strength of the yen.  In accordance to reference every single Broken Lizard movie, I also ordered a boot later on. And yes, I did get  some on me.

So this is a weizenbock, right?  So that means its wheaty and a stepkid of the lager family.  They typically have a sweet flavor, like myself, and cloudier than your head after a solid day of binge drinking.  This is a nice full bodied brew that will certainly fill you up, even if you don't order a liter of it. Though I still suggest you do.

It's got an IBU of 17, which makes it have a relatively low bitterness.  And it also has an ABV of 7.7% which could cripple a dolphin!  The general taste is a wheaty, full bodies, sweet, citrusy suckerpunch to the kisser; in a good way.  It's surprisingly easy to drink and, earmuffs mom, I slammed this in no time.  The cloudiness might imply that its heavy, but its slammable and full bodied, which is a treat if you ask me.

One of the best things about this beer is that it makes you drunk, like so many other beers before it.  These three douchebags wanted to fight our table for some reason and I still know why, but, if you drink enough of these you'll be in a wrestling mood and it won't slow you down when you kick people in the ribs.  This is hands down the best fighting beer I've had in a while.  I think Rocky drank this in Rocky III, but not when he fought Mr. T, but when he fought Thunderlips. Remember that? Man, that movie rocked.  I really like the montage with Apollo Creed too.  It was just unfortunate that Thalia Shire ruined the entire series.  She was pretty smoking in Rocky I though; what a babe! But I digress.

So, to sum this up, Rocky II is my favorite Rocky movie and this beer is great.  I wouldn't necessarily buy it all the time because, contrary to what my wife thinks, I'm not made of money! But it's definitely a treat.  I think even Hitler drank this stuff, and that dude was pretty clueless. Napoleon probably would have drank it if he wasn't busy inventing ice cream. 

Drinkability: 9/10
Taste: 9/10
Value: 3/10
Curb Appeal: 5/10

Overall: 6.5/10

Spaten-Franziskaner Hefeweissen

"Nothing so liberates the heart as when a fool awakens from his folly."

In short, I found this beer in the back of my fridge and forgot about it and randomly came across it today. This beer is really gonna hit the spot.

Franziskaner is made in a brewery in Munich; which sucks because I was there and I didn't go there because apparently I'm stupid. It's brewed in the Spaten-Franziskaner-Bräu brewery. Spaten means "spade", like a shovel, and Franziskaner is some sort of German monk, like a Franciscan. So if you see Spaten, yeah that stuff is owned by the same people, and unfortunately, was later acquired by InBev, the guys who stole that rot-gut Budweiser. I mean it's not like I like Budweiser, I'm just bitter that they took it from us.

So these guys fired up their brewery in 1397 and did a buncha crap until they settled in the factory where their booze is still brewed today in 1854. They started shipping their goods to North America, my favorite America, in 1909. Their site is actually really boring. They have a timeline of historical events that is even pale in comparison to the Sosa/McGwire homerun contest of 1998; which was actually pretty exciting. They should make a beer about that! I mean Kid Rock makes beer, why can't we have one about this exhibition of strength and steroids?

So this is a really common beer. I mean they brewed over a million ounces in 2003 for the first time and it's literally everywhere. That being said it's damn fine and pretty cheap. I picked this bottle up for $3.00 for 22oz. It's better than drinking Olde English. The ABV is only 5.0% but you shouldn't mess with a beer this tasty.

So I typically put a lemon in my hefeweissens but I'll discuss this before and after lemon insertion. It already has a slight citrus scent and a mild wheat overtone. As you can see from the picture, it produces some serious foam if you pour it all "willy-nilly" but eventually it goes down, like a prom date. It has a pretty subtle yet flavorful sweet, wheat taste and has a lasting sweet taste in your mouth after swallowing.

The lemon really highlights the light taste of this beer and accentuates the citrus undertones. It's so light and refreshing, that this is an ideal beer for sitting on the porch bullshitting with a few of your close buddies like a buncha washerwomen.

This beer is a great wheat concoction. And I also like the label. It's like the friar is looking into this stein thinking, "Where the hell'd all my damn beer run off to? It was here a second ago; what the hell?" It's a common beer to find but not a common beer to find others drinking. Also, if you're sailing on a catamaran Christopher Cross-style, it's also an awesome beer to sip on!

Drinkability: 7/10

Taste: 8/10

Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 7.0/10

Ayinger Brewery's Altbairisch Dunkel Lager

Ayinger Brewery is located in Aying, Bavaria which is about 40 miles from Munich. It was originally founded in 1878 by some German dude who, by now, is probably dead. They built up a new brewery in 1999, which thus proves that Germans were not intimidated by the Y2K virus and frivolously invested in new equipment and buildings. These characters won a load of awards consisting of "World's Top 10 Best Breweries". I'm not one to actually brag about awards that beers get, but this beer itself has won the Gold Medal and World Championships in 1994, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2001, 2002 and 2003. I figure they didn't win it in 2000 due to Y2K. This is also a pretty small operation, consisting of less than 100 people. Their chief exporting countries are Italy, Finland, and, my favorite, the United States. They also have a beer called "Lager Hell" which must be some sort of translation thing because the label suggests its a beer to drink around Easter Time.

You might be wondering what "Altbairisch Dunkel" means, unless you're German. In English it translates to "Old Bavarian Dark Beer". This is a traditional Old School style beer. Most villages in Germany, prior to WW2, had dark, flavorful beers until crap like Budweiser came out and convinced people, like my dad, that light, watery beers are the cat's pajamas; preferably in 10oz cans. Burn!

I like their merchant website because it says "first time beer drinkers are often shocked that this dark beer has such an inviting taste". First of all, I haven't met a first time beer drinker since the 3rd grade. And second of all, if they never had beer before, why would they be so surprised?

Now I'm all about reviewing beer; not as much as drinking it mind you. But I had, HAD, to quote a review on this beer. "A good example of its kind. Impenetrably dark with a golden-brown gleam when held up to the light, and with a warm aroma and malty taste, while summoning up coffee taste sensations on going down. It is brewed from five types of malt (two of which are torrified dark), and it is only lightly hopped." That was written by Michael Jackson himself! Not THE Michael Jackson, a Michael Jackson.

But now for my review. I'm not first time beer drinker but this 5.0% ABV lager goes down smoother than a hairless cat stuffed in a wool sock going down one of those yellow spiral slides they have at playgrounds. It isn't as flavorful as the darkness implies but a richer, tastier flavor than your traditional lagers. It has a nutty taste, mixed with a hint of toffee. I can smell more chocolate that I can taste and is certainly low on the hops. It's got hints of caramel but not really any overbearing tastes that overwork you tongue.

I picked this up for $4 for half a liter at the beer store. It's pretty good for a lager. It's sort of a middle ground between a lager and a darker beer, like a porter. I'm not exactly sure when you would buy a beer like this. It's good, don't get me wrong. I suppose if you were hot and wanted a darker lager this would be a good purchase, but not flavorful enough to replace a porter when you want one.

Drinkability: 7/10

Taste: 6/10

Value: 5/10
Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 6.0/10

Pinkus Müller Brewery's Organic Hefeweissen

Get your Pinkus on, Fignuts! This is Pinkus Müller's Hefe. I had this sucker in the fridge for a while and finally unleashed it's unconditional fury. I even took the time to pick up a lemon for it; which I'm glad I did because the taste of this beer is pretty disappointing.

This stuff is brewed in Münster, Germany and was founded in about 1816 by Johannes Müller. It was the only brewery left there from over 100 other existing breweries at the time. It's still a family joint there and Johannes great-great-great-great-great grandkids are running it, or some shit. They got about ten beers there and are the world's first organic brewery. It's hard to find any information about the brewery itself; their website is in German and has the format of a website circa 1995. It loads really fast, so that's good.

There might be some other beer blog that rate this beer high; which makes sense because they were probably high when they reviewed it. The taste is virtually not there; that being said, you can probably wash down, like, 20 of these things and not notice it. I really doesn't even taste like beer; it tastes like seltzer water with some floral hints in it. The beer itself has a citrus scent to it; even before you put fruit in it. Very weak though, and again, floral hints to it. I picked up this 5.1% ABV bastard for $4 for a 500mL. I mean, if your looking for taste, don't pick this up. The label is pretty cool itself. It's got pictures of Johannes and Carl Müller and a picture of two drunk fruitbats drinking on a swing. If you roll up to a party with this you'll look cool in doing so, but don't give anyone a taste because they'll think you work for the LBC's LCB because it doesn't smell or taste like beer. I'd actually like to buy like 10 of these and see if I get drunk. I'll do that if I'm bored some day. Don't let the score full you, it looks cool and you can drink a shitload of it; that's about it. I assume it will also get you drunk.

Drinkability: 9/10

Taste : 2/10
Value: 4/10
Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 5.75/10

Hacker-Pschorr's Dunkel Weiss

I'm not sure why I keep buying Dunkel Weiss beer when I don't really like them, but I do. The Hacker-Pschorr Brewery goes back as far as 1417, the year Columbus sailed the ocean blue. (Actually we all know Columbus was born in 1451) The Hacker started in Munich, then Pauly Pschorr's Dad, Joey Pschorr bought it from his father-in-law and combined it with his current Pschorr brewery. You can see a depiction of the merger on the label with the two seals merging on the label.

The wheat beers are the favorites over in Germany. This beer has a ABV of 5.3% and a surprisingly sweet smell. It has a bitter dunkel weiss taste that is commonly attributed to the hops they use. It goes down surprisingly smooth but hits a little hard on the stomach when it settles; as I find with most dunkelweizens.

My favorite thing about the beer is that it gets you drunk, like all beers. Well not all beers, but you get the picture. My SECOND favorite thing is the picture of President John Tyler; my favorite president of the 19th century. It's actually a picture of Georg Pschorr. Side note: Georg got the Pschorr Brewery when his dad passed away in 1841; the same year Tyler became president! Coincidence? Yes, apparently so.

To sum it up, I'm not a fan of dunkelweizens but for what it is, it's pretty good. I wouldn't get it again just for the lone reason its a dunkelweizen. I picked it up for $2.50 though for 500mL so it's a pretty good deal. If you like this type of beer, this is a good one for you, if not, stick with Colt 45. Also, this beer would go really go well with filberts, you know, those nuts.

Drinkability: 3/10

Taste: 6/10

Value: 5/10
Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 5.0/10

Weihenstephaner's Original Lager

This was actually Jesus's favorite beer. Founded in 620 AD, (you know it's old when you have to note AD) this is the oldest brewery in the world, though documentation only proves it to be in existence since 768 AD. This pup is a 5.1% ABV and is actually one of the best tasting lagers I've ever had. Really smooth and great tasting; I mean there isn't a bitter taste going down your throat. It's like if God melted his golden Pegasus Unicorn down to it's hooves and took it's melted remains into his Holy Grail for Indiana Jones to find years later with Sean Connery and Gimli from Lord of the Rings. Well, maybe not that good, but it's truly a fantastic lager! I bought this because it was only $3 for 500mL and it said it was the world's oldest brewery (still in existence). Now there's nothing too fancy about a lager but if you want a crisp, refreshing taste of Bavaria, I'd definitely suggest this. Good stuff!

Drinkability: 8/10
Taste : 7/10
Value: 7/10

Overall: 7.3/10

Julius Echter's Hefe-Weiss-Dunkel

Time for school boys. This Dunkelweizen is typical of your German beers. Breaking it down on the dancefloor, The Hefe-weiss refers to the Wheat, and Dunkel is the Dark. So what you got is dark, wheat beer. It has the bitter hops, though not overly obnoxious like a "hoppy beer" and a smooth taste like most dark beers. If you were blindfolded and beaten you might confuse it with an IPA, though it'd be hard to make much sense outta your ugly, beaten mouth. It definitely has an aftertaste so I wouldn't suggest any more than 1 or 2 at a time. If you slam these suckers all night you're a better man than me. For what it is, based of the classy bearded chap on the label, it's a pretty good bargain. I picked up 500mL for $4, however it tastes stronger than it actually is, a mere 4.9% ABV. I wouldn't rush to get this again, but it definitely doesn't taste like a mouthful of poop, to put it poetically.

Drinkability: 3/10
Taste : 5/10
Value: 6/10

Overall: 4.7/10