Peak Organic Brewing Company Summer Session Ale

Well it's Memorial Day weekend, and that means its the unofficial start of summer (f*** you, summer solstice). That means its time for BBQing, crappy summer movies, and here in Chapel Hill, senseless murder and violence in front of elementary schools. Since Chapel Hill has the most crime, hobos, and top-siders per capita in the US, I guess this is just par for the course. But seriously, people WTF has happened to our country? If we all just had a snog or two of Peak's Summer Session Ale we'd be living in Utopia-ville by Labor Day.

I've covered Peak Organic Brewing Company extensively on this here fine blog (use that snazzy search bar up yonder to check out past reviews), so I won't spend too much time singing their praises in this column. They rarely make a bad beer (I'm looking at you Pomegranate Wheat), and the Summer Session Ale is another fine product to come pouring out of Peak's sterling beer tubes. Peak claims that this beer is a hybrid between a west coast  pale ale and a traditional summer wheat beer, and I totally buy that marketing statement. It's kind of hoppy like a pale ale with a nice citrus taste (a floral bouquet if you will), but it also has that unfiltered character of a wheat beer. It has a pretty despicable 5.0% ABV, and even I, Mr. super light-weight, was able to have 2 of these last night and nary feel a buzz. At $8.99 a six-pack, its not a steal, but it's not a deal either.

The hype around this beer was pretty high, as I have been waiting for it for quite a while (~2 weeks) in order to add to my proud display of Peak six-pack boxes on top of my kitchen cupboards. Wait, what's that? I'm not in college anymore and it's not 2003? Whaddya mean I'm almost 30 years old? And what's this about I got a girl (wife) pregnant and I have a 14 month old baby to take care of? Hahaha, that's totally funny. You're such a jokester, you totally had me for a second. I'm gonna go eat a Totinos pizza, listen to Taking Back Sunday, and play NHL 94 now. Lates.

Drinkability: 9/10

Taste: 7/10

Value: 6/10

Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 7.5/10

Rogue Santa's Private Reserve Ale

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except for a Stinky mouse, who was getting drunk on egg nog and miller high lifes. If the Stinky mouse had any sense in him though he would have been getting snookered on Rogue's Santa's Private Reserve Ale, a most wonderful beer indeed.

Somehow I don't think we have ever reviewed Rogue beers on this blog, but since the stupid search bar doesn't flippin' work, I can't find out (you think I am going to go through all 160 posts to find out? Pfffft). For the uninitiated, Rogue Ales is brewed in Newport, OR, a lovely small town on the coast of Oregon. All kidding aside, the Oregon coast is the awesomest place in America, even more so than Flagstaff, AZ. Definitely go there if you get the chance (the OR coast, not Flagstaff). Rogue has a nice little restaurant that goes along with their brewery, where they serve a mean adult mac n cheese (the macaronis are shaped like dongs). Rogue brews about a jillion beers, many of which can only be found at the brewery itself. 

The Santa's Private Reserve Ale is a copper colored red ale that is similar to their Saint Rogue Red, but the Santa has double the hops, just the way I like it. This beer is excellent, as it has a nice malty and somewhat bitter taste, but its not overwhelming despite the 2x hops. If you like a mild bitterness to your beers, you'll like this one. This is just a great tasting beer, one that you can knock back easily, and get nicely blitzed with its 6.00% ABV. I bet you could have a 12 pack on Christmas Eve and pass out with no problem, then forget to put the presents under the tree and your kids are forever destroyed the next morning. I got a six pack of this at the incredible low price of $6.99 (regular price of $12.99). They were practically giving it away! To make a great situation even better, the heavily bearded hipster working the coffee section at the co-op told me I made a great choice upon buying the Santa's Ale. Compliments and a sale, oh boy!

Hopefully you were a good boy or girl this year, as you'd be grateful to find a sixer of Santa's Private Reserve Ale in your stocking. Unless you'd rather have coal that is, then you're screwed.

Drinkability: 6/10

Taste: 7/10

Value: 8/10

Curb Appeal: 9/10

Overall: 7.5/10

Peak Organic Brewing Company Winter Session Ale

Strap your boots on and don't get your tongue stuck to a pole, you goober, and get ready to hit the slopes with this review of Peak Organic Brewing Company's Winter Session Ale.

I've reviewed a ton of Peak beers on this blog before (like at least 6 of 'em), so you might be thinking that Peak beers are fucked out by now (like tucking your pants into your shoes). Well, they're not. They're all pretty GD (that's the religiously-correct way of saying "goddamn") good, and the Winter Session Ale is no exception. The Winter Session Ale is classified as a "American Dark Wheat Ale" and its so GD dark because Peak uses a lot of dark malt. They also use Citra hops from their friend Brad's farm. That must be cool to have a friend like Brad. You just call him up and say "heyy Brad, we're gonna make some winter beer today, can we stop over on the way back from the Piggly Wiggly and pick up some hops? When it's done you can come over and get drunk with us and compare penis sizes."

I was surprised at how much of a pungent, strong taste this beer had on first imbib-ation. The phrase "chestnuts roasting on an open fire" is popular this time of year, and that's what I thought of when I first tasted this. Roasted nuts. It didn't taste nutty at all like, but it had this roasted, malty quality to it. And it was quite delicious! I simply had to have a few more. It was easy to drink, and despite the strong taste, it is only 5% ABV. But it's a great beer to knock back a few while sitting in front of a fire watching the Jim Carrey version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I got a six-pack of this on sale for $7.99, normally priced at $8.99 (I saved 100 pennies!!!!).

This beer will only be on sale a short time, as winter doesn't last forever, unless you live at the McMurdo Research Station in Antarctica. I doubt they sell it down there too, so you're gonna be stuck there being cold and sober. How boring!

Drinkability: 7/10

Taste: 7/10

Value: 7/10

Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 7/10

New Belgium Brewery's Ranger IPA

This beer should be enjoyed in nature, outside in the woods, preferably in the cold and with moose all around. It should only be drank by men with beards, flannel shirts, and in the possession of big blue oxen. This is an outdoors-man's beer. It's called f'in RANGER for cripes sakes.

Brewed by New Belgium, famous for their Fat Tire Amber Ale (and also their Trippel, reviewed here), the Ranger IPA packs a punch that would make Joe Frazier proud. At 6.5% ABV, it'll get you nice and drunk, if you can handle more than a couple that is - the flavor on these babies is astoundingly delicious, but heavy as a ton of feathers, so it's better for sipping than bonging. As with most IPAs, the Ranger tastes of citrus and flowers and bitterness, which is all wrapped together in a wonderful taste-gasm. It truly is a very tasty and delicious beer. I got a 12 pack of this for $15, which is much cheaper than a 12 pack of snow tires. According to the New Belgium website, one 12oz serving of Ranger gives ya 185 calories, not that you should care. If you are thinking about calories while drinking beer, go get your head checked out. Or maybe you are just a drunkorexic. Either way, you need help. Or more beer. Or both. Sigh.

Give the Ranger IPA a shot, and I betcha you love it if you are an IPA fan. And if you don't like it, you'll have to answer to the most bad-ass Ranger out there. Sucks to me you, dead guy!

Other New Belgium Reviews:

Fat Tire

Winter Ale

Belgian Ale

Pale Lager

Drinkability: 6/10

Taste: 8/10

Value: 6/10

Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 6.75 /10

Redhook Long Hammer IPA

What's that? You thought this blog was dead? Well you are wrong m f'er! See, the one thing that the writers on this blog have in common (besides being devishly handsome) is that we can be LAZY. Sorry to all you sorry sons of bitches who got used to reading wonderfully funny and inarticulate beer reviews every day. LIFE HAPPENS. But we're back! At least for this one post.

Red Hook Brewery started in Seattle in 1981. I love Seattle. It's probably the best city in the world (I haven't been to Tripoli but I can assume Seattle > Tripoli). Unlike most craft beers, you can get Redhook beers pretty much anywhere, as it is sold in 48 states of the great U S of A. They even have breweries on both sides of the country, one in Woodinville, WA, and one in Portsmouth, NH. The one thing in common between Woodinville and Portsmouth, besides brewing Redhook? Vampires.

The Redhook Long Hammer IPA is a tasty IPA, clocking in at 44 IBUs and 6.5% ABV. It's not the best IPA in the world (again, never been to Tripoli), but it's not the worst either. It has a nice floral, citrus, hoppy flavor, and given the relatively low IBUs, its easy to drink a couple in a row (like 3 in one minute). I got a variety pack on sale on the local Teet for $13.49, a fine deal in my book. The case also included their Pilsnerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, ESB, and Copperhook (one of the items that you can acquire in The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past). Plus the bottles are differently shaped than normal beer bottles. They are more stout and have a shorter neck, kind of like that Jamaican shit Red Stripe. Just not as shitty.

Go out and get the Redhook variety pack, or just get a six-er of the Long Hammer IPA. You're guaranteed to like it, or your money back (not sure who will give you your money back though, so good luck with that, wang).

Drinkability: 7/10

Taste: 7/10

Value: 6/10

Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 6.5/10

Peak Organic Brewing Company Hop Noir

Hop Noir is a black IPA from Peak Organic Brewing Company. The name is a play on the cinema genre, film noir, meaning gritty, dark, and secretive. The name is appropriate for this beer, and for the brewery, as the former is gritty and dark, and the latter secretive.

I’ve talked about Peak before, but never the secretive nature of their business. I was passing through Portland, ME a few weeks back, and since Peak is brewed in Portland, I thought I’d pay a visit and see where the magic happens. They list an address on their website, so I went to said address, and what did I find? The Peak brewery? Surely I did not. I found a UPS store. I thought I had written down the wrong address, so I had my Dick Tracy of a friend do some sleuthing online, and I had the correct address. I went inside and asked the UPS employee (not dressed in brown by the way) if they had heard of Peak, and they said they probably had a PO box here. A ha! So the address was correct, if only for a mailing address.

I wasn’t going to give up that easy, so I called the 800 number for Peak and found myself listening to a long list of phone options, with no mention of a brewery. I was able to punch in a number to talk to someone, so I picked one at random and found myself talking to the Western Massachusetts sales rep. Not the ideal person, but it was a human being employed by Peak. I inquired about a brewery in Portland, and possible tours or at least a store that sold their beer and schwag, but I was out of luck – no such things existed. He wouldn’t disclose the location of the brewery, but was happy to hock their Pomegranate Wheat Ale.

So what does all this mean? Either Peak is super secretive about their business and they don’t want to say anything about their brewing process, or they are a bunch of ass-clowns who run a shabby enterprise and are embarrassed to have visitors. I totally think it is the former, as their beers are distinguished and classy and that makes me doubt that they are ass-clowns. I would love to see their brewery someday though, if it exists!

The Hop Noir IPA is a black IPA, similar to the one reviewed previously. It’s made with lots of hops, and black malt to give it a black color (a super duper black color, I don't think even light can escape its blackness). Even though it is labeled as an IPA, it sure as hell smells, tastes like, and sits in your belly like a stout. I would call it a hoppy stout instead of a black IPA. But who cares about semantics, this isn’t English class. With a 8.2% ABV and 98 IBUs, this baby has a potent as hell taste. Due to all of the alcohol, IBUs, and black black black malt, it sits like a rock in the belly and you aren’t gonna have more than one. I got a 22oz bottle for $5 in New Hampshire, and haven’t seen it before here in NC.

This is a neat beer to drink and will totally impress at a gathering. I wouldn’t recommend it to any die-hard IPA or stout fans, as it is too much in the middle and doesn’t commit either way. But if you want to try something different that tastes different, and will get you drunk fast, this is the way to go. Make sure to wear your fedora and brush up on your Cary Grant films first though.

  

Drinkability: 3/10

Taste: 6/10

Value: 6/10

Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 5.75/10

Other Peak beers reviewed:

Peak IPA

Peak Pale Ale

Peak Pomegranate Wheat Ale

SweetWater Brewing Company 420 Extra Pale Ale

Which one of the following was the band from Almost Famous? Stillwater or SweetWater? I bet half of you got it right and half of you got it wrong. Stillwater was the band. What is SweetWater then? Well it happens to be a brewery located in Atlanta, GA, the town that was recently stripped of its hockey team. They didn’t deserve the Thrashers anyways, Winnipeg needed a hockey team back o-so-badly. SweetWater Brewing Company was founded in 1997 by a former Colorado college student. They have a thing for fishing too, as you can download a SweetWater fishing calendar. It’s a pretty outrageous thing to do, because fishing and beer TOTALLY don’t go together. That’s just as absurd as drinking beer while camping? Weirdoes. Anyways, Sweetwater makes a ton of beers (well, like 14 to be exact), with only 5 of them available year round.

The 420 Extra Pale Ale is named “420” because the brewers like to smoke pot. Like A LOT of pot. That may or may not be true, but the label says that this beer was first conceived in their brewery on April 20 of some unknown year, so they gave it the really original name of “420 Extra Pale Ale.” I’m not knocking the name at all, it’s cute, and it probably gets some stoners pretty excited when they hear about it. It probably at least gets some laughs from some immature college kids. The 420 Extra Pale Ale tastes like a typical pale ale, it has a nice strong hoppy flavor at the front and the back of the palate, but it doesn’t linger too long. It’s unpasteurized too (there are little buggies floating around the bottom) and this gives it a slight hefeweizen taste, which is interesting and enjoyable. This beer isn’t too heavy, so drinking a six-pack during the course of a softball game is quite possible and is encouraged. At 5.4% ABV its pretty average, but does its job. I picked up a six-pack for $9 at the local Harris Teeter. I like the label too – it looks like Starsky and Hutch are fishing for a GIANT rainbow trout. Because nothing sells beer better than a 70s TV show (not the movie reboot) or enormous fish. Score!!!

Next time you are out fishing, or just sitting around with your thumb up your ass, give the Sweetwater 420 Extra Pale Ale a try. The worst thing that happens is that you get a little drunk and don't catch any fish.

Drinkability: 6/10

Taste: 6/10

Value: 6/10

Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 6.25/10

Baxter Brewing Company Stowaway IPA

Baxter Brewing Company's slogan/motto/creed is "We can what we do." I like it. And I like their Stowaway IPA too. It's a bass-add beer, as exemplified by the skull and crossbones on the can.

BBC is located in Lewiston, Maine. They only sell their beer in the state of Maine, which is sad. But it gives you a reason to visit Maine! As if you didn't already have a reason though. BBC chooses to can their beers instead of bottle their beers for thrice reasons: 1 - better for mother earth, 2 - better for the beer, and 3 - you can take canned beer places where you cannot take bottled beer, like the beach and at tailgates, etc. I agree with points 1 and 3, but am skeptical about point 2. The only beer that tastes better out of a can to me is the mythical PBR, but I've never had the Stowaway IPA out of a bottle (or draught), so I don't have anything to compare to. I'll take their word for it. BBC also makes a pale ale in addition to the IPA. They also are currently hiring, so if you want to move to Lewiston, ME, go for it!

The Stowaway IPA is a really good IPA. The taste is so super strong you'd swear that Superman brewed this puppy. You'll taste all of the hops and citrus you've come to expect from a rich IPA, and you'll experience this for a long time afterwards. Like for at least a week. Along with the strong taste comes a more than welcome 6.9% ABV. I enjoyed this beer as a nightcap to an evening of imbibing, and it sure as shit put me on my ass and down for the night. If only I could give this to my kid when I want him to go to sleep - I'd get the father of the year award for sure! This was one heavy heavy heavy beer, so I don't think you'll be able to drink many of these, unless you actually are Heavy D. I picked up a single can for $1.79, so a six-pack probably goes for $9-10. And again I have to mention the skull and crossbones on the can, because it makes you feel like a pirate or a biker when you're drinking it.

I highly recommend the Stowaway IPA if you ever find yourself in Maine. To conclude, allow me this opportunity to showcase my awesome skull and crossbones MS Paint artwork. Shock and Awe!

Drinkability: 4/10

Taste: 8/10

Value: 6/10

Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 6.5/10

East African Breweries Tusker Lager

This is the first African beer to be reviewed on ILTS. We don't have anything against Africans or anything, it's just that there aren't many African beers out there. At least not that I know of, cuz I'm just an ignorant white American male.

East African Breweries Limited  is a huge consortium of many smaller breweries and distilleries, and they even own a glass company. Not crystal meth glass, but I think real glass like you'd have in your car windshield, if you have a car windshield that is. Somehow they are in bed with Smirnoff, and they even have a graduate programme (correct spelling). I'm pretty sure you would get a PhD in African beer-ology if you complete it, which is a helluva lot better than the one I have (#humblebrag).

Tusker has been made by EABL since 1923, when one of their founders, George Hurst, was killed by an elephant during a hunting accident. They then named the beer "Tusker" in honor of the murdering beast. I don't know about you, but I think this story sounds fishy. I bet old George was into some sort of elephant-bestiality-salad-tossing-thing, and when he wasn't doing a good job, the elephant got bored and sat on the poor bastard. Elephant-bestiality sounds innocent enough kids, but always make sure that you are in a safe position and can't get squished! Despite poor George's demise, Tusker has gone on represent 30% of Kenya's beer market. Again, this ignorant white American male does not know what the other 70% is, but there must be other African beers that people buy down there.

The Tusker Lager is a weird kind of beer, something of an enigma if you will. It is classified by the United States Library of Congress as a lager, but it is quite dark and tastes rather like a stout or a bock. You can really taste the malt in this brew, even though it is really light tasting and pretty easy to drink at only 4.2% ABV. I'd imagine an African Elephant could drink 75 of these no problem (but the Indian Elephant could only drink 52, what a pussssayyyy). I got one of these in 12oz bottle format for $1.79 at the co-op, which is a pretty nice deal for an African beer. Imagine the shipping costs! The curb appeal is sky high because there is an elephant on the label and its named after a killer elephant. Is there a Jaws beer out there?

Let's keep expanding our horizons, ILTS brethren, and try this and other African beers. It can only make you a better person.

Drinkability: 6/10

Taste: 5/10

Value: 6/10

Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 6.25/10

Peak Organic Brewing Company Pale Ale

I'm starting to really really really like the Peak Organic Brewing Company. I've reviewed a few of their other beers (see below) and they were both above average (with the IPA being exceptional). This is their Pale Ale, and it keeps Peak's batting average at 1.000, as it is a delicious and refreshing pale ale. 

The Pale Ale under review in this review is quite good. There is a little hoppy flavor to it, but not nearly as strong as their IPA (44 vs 76 IBUs), as well as some hints of citrus. It's also pretty light and crisp, and is a great beer to have at the end of a long day in the sun. Or during a long day in the sun if you're on vacation or something. I would even go so far to say that this is a great beer to have while hanging out with your friends by the pool or the lake or by some other body of water, it's that good. The pale ale runs at 5.1% ABV, and came in the 12-pack variety pack that ran $12.99. Out-of-state I've seen sixers that run at $8.99.

I had this and the other Peak beers while in Maine, so you might be thinking that I am over-rating them because of that, but you would be wrong, friendo. This pale ale (and the others) are quality beers that you will enjoy, regardless of the state you are in.

Drinkability: 7/10

Taste: 7/10

Value: 8/10

Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall:7.5/10

Other reviews of Peak beers:

IPA

Pomegranate Wheat Ale

Peak Organic Brewing Company Pomegranate Wheat Ale

Peak Organic Brewing Company is one rad brewing company located in Portland, ME. I reviewed their IPA previously, which is divine in my opinion. The same cannot be said for the Pomegranate Wheat Ale, but its not too bad. Unless you don't like pomegranates, then you are fucked.

The Pomegranate Wheat Ale sounds like something out of a whole foods / co-op / commune produce section, as it is brewed from the likes of pomegranates, acai berries, and coriander. Acai berries are hotter than Justin Beiber right now, and health nuts will espouse its virtues and benefits without losing a beat. Coriander is just plain old Chinese parsley, or cilantro, or something like that. Both of them show up in this beer, and you can taste them. But you can especially taste the pomegranate. I happen to like pomegranates so I liked this beer OK. If you don't like fruity beers then you aren't going to like this one either. Given that it was a wheat ale and unfiltered, it was still pretty easy to drink, and it was quite refreshing. And it doesn't hurt that it is 6.000000% ABV (that was an improper use of sig figs, I know). I got this beer as part of a Peak variety pack ($12.99 for a 12 pack score!!!), which included three of their standard beers plus a "brewer's choice" selection. When I saw that the brewer's choice was this pomegranate beer, I said "Oh OK we'll see how this is" and I was pretty much OK with it. I bet some dudes got pissed upon seeing this fruity beer though and threw them at their television sets. The lesson is that you should not surprise people with beer selection, especially if they have already been drinking. Because we all know that drunk people are unsafe, raging, violent people. Like the Visigoths. Or the Swiss.

I don't think I would get this pomegranate wheat ale again, but since it came as part of a super duper cheap variety pack, I was OK with it. This variety pack was purchased in the state of Maine, which I have found to have super awesome beer deals (and no hefty deposits on growlers!) so you probably won't find this kind of deal outside of The Pine Tree State.

Drinkability: 6/10

Taste: 5/10

Value: 8/10

Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 6.5/10

Shiner Family Reunion Six-pack

Y'all are getting some bang for your reading buck in this review, as I tackle all six beers from the Shiner Family Reunion six-pack. The reason I am doing it this way is because these beers pretty much all taste the same. Plus it's way easier than writing six reviews. Consider it a menage-a-six (in French, six is six, no different spelling - I feel gipped!).

Shiner beers are brewed by the K.Spoetzl (rhymes with pretzel!) Brewery in Shiner, TX, which is a small-ass town of 2070 people in the middle of nowhere between San Antonio and Houston. Spoetzl is the oldest independent brewery in Texas, being started by Kosmos Spoetzl in 1909. The brewery employs 55 people, and big props to their website for showing pictures of some of the employees on Shiner beer bottles. I always like it when the common man (or woman) is rewarded and acknowledged. The brewery makes 7 styles of Shiner, as well as a couple of seasonals depending on the season, ya know, with their most famous beer being Shiner Bock, now served in 41 states. I wonder why Yuengling can't get that distribution deal? - I would have loved drinking it in the hot hot heat of the California summer. Or anywhere else you can't currently buy that sweet, sweet, sweet nectar.

This variety box of liquid treats contained six different Shiner beers, all while selling for the low sticker price of $7.99 (read: great value). I'm going to list some of the different taste and drinkability characteristics for each of the beers below, but to tell you the truth, these beers all kind of tasted the same and were similarly easy to drink. They are all kind of watered-down, low ABV beers with average tastes, and were super-duper-UPER easy to drink. As my lovely wife said, "they taste like beer," which I guess is what any competent brewer should strive for. God forbid she tasted it and said "this tastes like turpentine" or "this tastes like maple syrup," although I bet there is a maple syrup flavored beer out there somewhere - FOR SHAME!!!! Now for the reviews...

Shiner Bock: Their most popular/widely distributed beer. There is a slight malty taste, but not a whole lot else going on. It's like dark colored beer water. But not bad! 4.4% ABV

Shiner Black Lager: This beer tasted like smoke. Seriously, like campfire smoke. Maybe they added some liquid smoke to the brew who knows, but at least it had some taste to it, which went down easy and was pretty yummy. 4.9% ABV

Shiner Kosmos Reserve: This beer is a shout out to the founder, Kosmos Spoetzl, and only appears every now and then, depending on when the brewery feels like making it. This is a total fridge beer, or one that you drink while watching your kid's (or someone else's kids) T-ball game. Gotta pass the time somehow right? It has a really mild taste, not much different from the others, but it super easy to drink. And it gives you a buzz if you drink enough of 'em. 5.0% ABV

Shiner Old Time Alt: I'm not sure what they mean by Alt, I thought it was misspelled on the bottle but I guess I am in the wrong here. This one has some hops to it, and you can taste them, but its not overwhelming at all. 4.2% ABV 

Shiner Blonde Ale: Probably the worst of the bunch, the blonde ale was pretty pathetic in the taste department and only had a little malt noticeable. Not a lot going on here. 4.4% ABV

Shiner Hefeweizen: The hefeweizen was probably the best of the reunion (kind of like Uncle Jessie at the Full House reunion), and it had some real flavor to it. I could taste some fruits, maybe a little orange or apricot, in this beer. And I usually think most hefes taste like dirty sausage, but this one didn't taste like that at all, so I enjoyed it a fair bit. The overall taste was weak for a hefe, but it was, as with the others, really easy to drink. Plus it had the highest ABV at 5.4%.

Like I said up top, while these are six different beers (at least by label and bottle cap), they all taste remarkably similar. But that isn't too bad of a thing, because the taste is pretty mild and smooth, and they are easy as hell to drink. These six were gone remarkably fast, like in less than a Jiminy-cricket minute. This was a fun six-pack to buy, and your party hosts will like you when you bring it because it screams FUN AWESOME TEXAS PARTY ANDREW WK YES YES YES NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO when you walk in the door with it, and its easy to drink/get drunk on so its a win for everyone. They aren't memorable beers by any stretch of the imagination, so you'll just as easily forget what these beers taste like as well as the rest of the night if you so choose to black out. So go ahead and try the Shiner Family Reunion six-pack - it'll make your family reunion more tolerable and maybe even help you to score with your cousin.

Drinkability: 7/10 (average)

Taste: 5/10 (average)

Value: 7/10

Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 6.5/10

Oranjeboom Lager

Oranjeboom "Original Dutch Recipe" Premium Lager was first brewed in Rotterdam, Holland (aka the Netherlands) in 1671. That's right, 16-f'in-71. That's a helluva long time ago. Want to know what was going on in the world in 1671? On May 9, 1671, this dude named Thomas Blood attempted to steal the Crown Jewels from the Tower of London. He got the jewels out of the tower, but was immediately caught because he was too drunk to run with all of the jewels. I read this on wikipedia and have a feeling that it was totally made up by some yahoo. Or maybe that is what the Brits did in 1671, get drunk and rob towers. This has nothing to do with Oranjeboom Lager, but did occur the same year that it was first brewed. This story did have to do with alcohol, so it's kind of related. Cut me some slack already. Translated to English, Oranjeboom means "Orange Tree" and symbolizes the Dutch Royal Family Tree, which began with the patriarch of the Dutch family. In 2004, the Oranjeboom brewery was closed, the brand was sold to InBev, and Oranjeboom is now currently brewed in Dommelsch, Germany. So much for a 333 year-run, Oranjeboom. Good times, good times.

This beer is OK. When I cracked opened the can (isn't that a wonderful sound, that of a can of beer being cracked open? It's as if angels are singing and rewarding you for a hard day's work, or a day of Halo, cheez whiz, and masturbation), I actually said out loud "ohhhh nasty" because the smell was just that, kind of strong and nasty. But it didn't taste nasty, but it didn't taste tasty either though. It had a strong malty taste, as well as a little tinge of hops and spice. I didn't like the taste overall though, hence the low score in that department. It was super easy to drink - I kept reaching for that can and before I knew it it was all gone, only to be replaced by a mild buzz and a bitchy headache. You can pick up a 500 ml (16.9oz for you non-metric system users) can at Trader Joe's for the whopping low price of $1.25 (you can't even get a slice of Plaza Pizza for that low cost anymore!) making this Dutch beer a steal. It clocks in at an average 5.0% ABV, but combined with the low price and the easy drinkability, you'll be wasted on the cheap in no time, which, given the economy, is definitely a good thing.

If you want to try something out of the ordinary that rivals traditional domestic lagers (read: nasty American beers) and save some money while you are at it, give Oranjeboom a try. Why the f not?

Drinkability: 7/10

Taste: 4/10

Value: 8/10

Curb Appeal: 5/10

Overall: 6/10

Carolina Brewery's Flagship IPA

This is a review of Carolina Brewery's Flagship IPA, not to be confused with The Carolina Brewing Company, which I have ragged on two out of three times. Unlike beers from the CBC, the Flagship IPA from the CB is quite delicious and will receive a high score in this review. It even comes in growlers! Rarrrr!!

The Carolina Brewery runs two brewpubs in the Piedmont (central NC for you out-of-staters), one in Chapel Hill and one in Pittsboro (Pittsboro is also home to a combination KFC-Taco Bell). They brew a ton of beers, and this is the first one that I have had, but am interested in the others, including their Super Saaz Imperial Pilsner and their own Barley Wine. Would a trip to one of their brewpubs be worth your while? From several not-very-credible sources I can say that the food at the brewpubs is not that great, but the beer is. So if you are gonna pound a few pints before your burger arrives, you'll be just fine most likely. But if you are going their just for the food and not the beer, then what the f*** is wrong with you?! Who goes to a brewpub and doesn't drink beer? Wanker.

I love the fact that Carolina Brewery sells their beer in growlers. Not heard of a growler before you say? Well, according to a very-credible source, growlers are glass half-gallon jugs used to transport beer in Australia, Canada, and the good ol' USofA. According to another uber-credible source, the term "growler" likely dates back to the 19th century, when beer was transported in buckets lined with lard (yummmmm). The sound of the CO2 escaping the lid when the beer inside sloshed around supposedly sounded like an animal growling. I don't know about you, but I think we need more bottles, jugs, containers, etc, named after animal sounds. What if we started calling six-packs "snarlers," 40s "roarers," and cases "moo-ers." How awesome does it sound when you say "I'm going to the store for a snarler of PBR, anyone need anything?" C'mon ILTS Nation, let's start a revolution in beer slang - snarlers it is.

The Flagship IPA, like I mentioned above, is quite a delicious beer. Upon opening the cap, a rich aroma of hops and fruits barrage your senses, and a similar taste follows. The taste is not too bitter, but very hoppy (even my beautiful wife liked this one, and she usually is not a fan at all of IPAs). There is some slight fruit taste to it as well. The aftertaste is a little strong, and lingers for quite a while, but its not totally a bad thing, like the dude who wants to hang out at your place long long long after the party ends. At 5.7% ABV, it packs quite the punch. Oh yea, and this is one heavy IPA. I only finished half of the growler before I started bitching about being too full (go ahead and screw the cap back on and enjoy some the day after, as this beer tastes just as good after being open for 24 hours - as long as you remember to stick it back in the fridge, you dummy). At 5.7% ABV, this beer packs a quiet wallop. I picked up this growler for the amazing low price of $7.99 at the local co-op (normally priced $8.99). There is a $4 deposit though, so as long as you aren't lazy, you'll get that $4 back the next time you go to buy beer (which should be a few hours after you bought the first one if you are doing things right).

Overall, its my pleasure to recommend this beer as well as to try the other offerings from Carolina Brewery. I'm thinking that if I go through enough of their growlers, and then return them all at once, I should have enough money for a pre-owned Wii (I saw 'em at the mall yesterday for only $99, holy hell!). Or lots more beer.

Drinkability: 5/10

Taste: 7/10

Value: 7/10

Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 6.75/10

Corona Extra

Corona Extra is a party beer. You drink it on the beach when you want to have a good time. Or you drink it on an airplane with your wife and 3 month old son, like I did. Either way, it tastes like shit.

Corona Extra is brewed by Grupo Modelo SA de CV and was founded in 1925 as the sister beer of Cerveza Modelo. It was originally brewed by these three fellas, but went on to become the best selling beer in Mexico by 1935, which was pretty easy to do because the other option was Montezuma's Revenge infested water. In 1940, Corona did away with the paper label and started printing directly on the bottle, leaving people drinking Coronas in awkward or boring conversations nothing to peel away or pick at on the bottle. Thanks a lot, muchachos. In 1964, Corona started selling the "family size" pack, promoted as a brand that reinforces family values. We gringos started to enjoy Corona in 1970, 55 years after its founding (thats 55 years too soon by my count). An even better day for Americans and Mexicans alike came in 1989 when Corona Light was introduced (I'd rather have my ass bitten by a chupacabra - goat sucker!!!!). In 2009, Corona was voted favorite beer by over 2.5 million people on Facebook, simultaneously destroying the credibility of Facebook and calling into doubt the nationality of Mark Zuckerberg.

I think Mexico has produced some great things - the taco, the enchilada, the quesadilla, the burrito, the pinata, tequila, and Real World Cancun (I saw a random episode where the tattoo-ed fella spit in the one chick's tacos at 3am before he gave them to her to eat. CLASSY). But Mexico has also given us lots of bad things, including the drug cartels, Tijuana, Americans scared of visiting Mexico for fear of getting abducted and beheaded, and Corona. Yes, Corona goes into the bad category. I'm not sure which group the chupacabra fits into. 

Corona is a very very very light beer, so you can drink them all dia and all noche long. The problem with it is that is tastes like ass, carbonated prickly biting ass. You've all had Corona before, but I think there is a reason they put the lime in it - no, it's not to make yourself look like a dick trying to squeeze a too-big piece of lime into a too-small bottle neck, and then the lime gets squeezed and you get lime juice all over your hand, then you have to apologize to whoever you were talking to while you go get a napkin or go wash your hands, and while you are gone the person you were talking to leaves while thinking "what a dick" - actually, I think you add the lime because Corona tastes horrible on its own. They should sell 6 packs with a couple of limes taped to the side of the box (but if they were grown in Mexico, beware of fecal matter, so wash thoroughly). Even if they did, I still wouldn't buy it. It usually goes for about $12-13 a 12-pack, depending on where and when you buy it (Cinco de Drinko!). They also sell Corona in pony bottles, which is a horrible deal, although you do have to drink less of the Corona, so I guess that is a good thing. I got this one on a Southwest Airlines flight using a drink coupon, but otherwise it would have cost $5. My other choices were Heineken, Bud Light, Miller Light, and Michelob Ultra, so I hope you can see why I picked this poor son-of-a-bitch of a beer. It's easy to drink that's why! Corona Extra has an average 4.6% ABV.

In the realm of shitty, light, over-advertised beers, Corona is near the bottom of the dirty, stank-infused, nasty tasting pile. Leave it be, unless you are at a beach party and want to fit in with all of the attractive 20-somethings that are having fun like the advertisements show. Then, I guess its bottoms up! Ole, ole ole oleeeee, ole, ole ole oleeeeeeeeee!

Drinkability: 8/10

Taste: 4/10

Value: 5/10

Curb Appeal: 2/10

Overall: 4.75/10

Wolaver's Wildflower Wheat Ale

If your wife/husband/roommate/frenemy came home one day and said "Hey! I brought home Wolaver's Wildflower Wheat!" what would you think they brought home?

a) a loaf of some new-age organic local fresh-baked bread

b) the new Yanni CD

c) a six-pack of beer

The correct answer is c. I hope you passed the test, because I would have failed if I didn't already know the answer.

Vermont's Own Wolaver's Fine Organic Ales (yes that is their full name - I guess they want you to know that they LOVE Vermont and that they produce FINE products) is located in Middlebury, VT and is somehow partnered with Otter Creek Brewing Company. I think they used to be all packaged under the OCBC label, but because Wolaver's possibly grew too big, they decided to spin them off to their own label (and website). From what I can gather, Wolaver's also brews four other beers, an IPA, brown ale, oatmeal stout, and a lemongrass curry lager. Oh, and all of their beers are organic, which appeals to green-minded people, both big and small.

The Wildflower Wheat Ale is named this because it is brewed with fucking flowers. This is a fact. Chamomile to be particular. Also, this beer is brewed with organic Vermont honey. You might now be asking yourself, "is this dude so wasted that he is reviewing an herbal tea on a beer blog?", which is a perfectly reasonable question to ask. But actually this beer is made with chamomile and honey, and it pulls a double-take on your taste buds, because you can really really taste the honey and chamomile, in addition to a slightly malty beer-y taste. I sometimes drink chamomile tea at work in the afternoon. I wonder if it is acceptable to stock my work fridge with this beer and drink that instead. If not, I might end up like this guy. Once you get over the herbal tea taste, its actually a pretty decent beer. But because it tastes like tea, I was expecting to get a little caffeine buzz, but instead I got a beer buzz, so I guess that makes me a winner. This beer is really light, so drink 'em down while you enjoy your crumpets. It is a paltry 4.25% ABV though, and runs $9 a six-pack (on sale, probably $10-11 normally), so the value isn't really there. The logo is kind of cool, it has a farmer with a pitchfork and a jug. I wish the jug had "XXX" written on it. The farmer reminds me of slavery though, so maybe Wolaver's should come up with a new picture for their label.

If you like herbal tea, and can get over the confusing taste, you might like to try this beer out. No hard feelings if you don't.

Drinkability: 7/10

Taste: 6/10

Value: 3/10

Curb Appeal: 5/10

Overall: 5.25/10