Thursday, July 28, 2011

Coors Light

I had a strange occurrence while drinking this beer one afternoon. The kind of occurrence that belongs in the category of alien sightings and seeing women with beards and when you see a car driving down the street and you could have swore there was no one behind the steering wheel.

I was sitting on my back porch- all nonchalant and shit- eating a burrito from Hot Heads (not as good as Chipotle) and I was trying to decide what to wash that stuff all down with. My choices were water, milk and Coors light. Not knowing that two of those choices were the same thing, I choose the Coors because it had been way to long since I experienced the beauty of the Rocky Mountains.

I took a bite out of that mexican sammich, chewed it up, and swallowed it down. I then grabbed that silver bullet, cracked it open and took a big swig. Something was wrong. "No more taste buds??!!?" I thought. I took another slam jam bite out of the burrito to see if my buds were still working. They were. I took a slow sip of the Coors and realized the truth and began to weep. I couldn't taste the beer. It was completely absent of taste. I looked at the can in wonder to make sure that I had not mistakingly grabbed a can of water. It was Coors light all right and instead of tasting like shitty mass-produced American beer, it didn't taste like anything. I threw what was left of my burrito onto the street and went to bed.

What's up with this "When the mountains turn blue you know it's cold" bullshit?? Use your damn cheeks to see if stuffs cold you dummy!!

Just the other day I was eating another burrito on my back porch. I decided to accompany it with a Coors light because I enjoy drinking water with my burritos. I began to choke and scream on a piece of rice and my mother quickly offered me some water. "No!!" I yelled, raising my can of Coors into the air. "I have some right here!"

Drinkability: 14/10
Taste: Like not much
Value: 7/10
Curb Appeal: 5/10

Overall: ???/10


  1. Yuck. This review gets points for subjecting yourself to that swill.

  2. Coors Light is perfectly acceptable between the hours of 7am and noon.

  3. coors light is acceptable between the hours of 5-10:30am. you should be drinking something better after the hour of 11.