Sunday, June 8, 2014

Bell's Brewery's Special Double Cream Stout

Please allow yourself the privilege to blast this so loud your neighbor's neighbors get deaf as shit!

So let's set the stage; shall we? I was recently in the Kalamazoo and against my better judgement I wandered down to the old Bell's General Store for a few well deserved libations. I knew Bell's is the ill shit after partaking in a few choice beverages in previous outings and from our initial review of their Stout done by some of our more handsome reviewers here.

So if you are from the midwest Bell's is as common as corrupt Chicago politicians or Chicago murders (we're up to 1 a day on average; keep up the good work southside!) So yeah, its common so shit man, I can find some of their more typical stuff everywhere (20 states currently) and they got their stout, Oberon, Two Hearted and it never really made me feel special; the way a beer makes a man feel special. And shit, I'm special, so as I went to their General Store I sawr this and as soon as I see the words "special" on a beer I'm already half in.

So special, huh? You got me; now explain yourself. At first I tasted nine different malts and was astounded when I found out they actually use ten. I guess my tongue isn't as discerning as it was in the 80's. What malts? How the shit should I know? I'll tell you what I can tell. Coffee, caramel, probably caramel 2-row (if that's a thing), cocoa, and red dye number 2; I don't know. What the heck good am I? Well, I can tell you this Potsie, if you run the 110 meter high hurdles I wouldn't beer bong any of these under the bleachers with all your pals. I'd be impressed if ANYONE could bong these. These are more apt to be poured over  a stack of pancakes.

It's darker than your conscience after prom-night (the bomb-night) and has a tan similar to Julian Tavarez. Actually, as I fact check this it may be a little darker. Tavarez when he's on vacation for sure. The scent is overwhelmingly sweet with bitter, coffee and chocolate undertones. I mean no one is going to be surprised that this jazz is heavy, McFly. You get some decent oaktree effect on this bad mother and a smooth, malty finish (so at least you will have a nice finish if you do drink this before the 110 hurdles).

This stuff is far more common in the winter months and I no doubt caught this on the end of its annual reign. I might get into some more of this shit next winter if I see it out and about but it will have to wait until the colder months. It's got a 6.1% ABV and I paid about $2.00 for a bottle at the store but I couldn't drink it until I got into the parking lot.

Drinkability: 7/10
Taste: 8/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 7.0/10

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Central Water's Ouisconsing Red Ale

Crank this ill shit pronto.

So this is another beer from the guys over all Central Waters. We first reviewed Central Waters here so if you wanna know more you gotta read that shit, bro.

Ouisconsing sounds like a GD word people say when they talk about, what's that called, shit, uh...shit. I looked all over the interweb and I had no idea what it's called. Google sucks! Regardless, what? Oh..the word. Algonquonese for a Milwaukee river? Or something? THE Wisconsin River. Sorry. What was the name of that dance?

So let us talk about this beer specifically; why don't we? So unless you're Ray Charles you can tell this beer has a pretty serious amber look with a pretty gnarly head on it. What is actually pretty special about this beer is that frothy head. It leads to a very smooth, malty flavor. It's more full flavored than a lot of ales out there. They must cram about fifty tons of caramel malts per bottle. That's my amateur estimate but I feel it's pretty accurate.

It's smoother than Orlando Bloom at a frat house; I mean smoooooth. I suggest this for anyone who likes a full-bodied beer or a fan of stout that isn't looking to drink their dinner in one pint. This is one of the better red ales I've had and it's as smooth as gravy without all that "gravy" taste.

The label is pretty typical of all beers they had in the pack. Not a huge fan but what the heck do it know about art. It's simple and gets to the point but when do I ever want to get to the point?

I'd definitely try this bastard again. I will say, this is way better out of a glass than the bottle. It packs a 4.8 ABV so it's of mild strength; it tastes a lot stronger. I picked this muminabatch up in a sampler pack and it ran 21 bones for 12. Mathwise I probably could have done better but well worth. As Steve Brule would say, "Check it out!".

Drinkability: 8/10
Taste: 9/10
Value: 4/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 7.0/10