Bass Brewing Company's Pale Ale

So this is Bass Pale Ale. Bass started up in 1777 by Billy Bass in Trent, England. Shit used to be the highest selling beer in the UK once upon a time. InBev bought them in 2000 and, like all things that got bought by InBev, went right down the shitter.

Bass is known for it red triangle. True story; England's first registered trademark. Bet you didn't know that you dirty liar! It's so gd popular its been used in Picasso stuff and Manet. It's no Monet but, hey, it's something.

Let's talk about black and tans, shall we? We shall. I like Bass on it own, however, where it really stands out is when it's used in black and tans. I find those to be excellent. I try and order them when bars generally have bad selections of beers. A little treat if you will. I used to work with Irish and English guys and it's been embedded in my mind that England on the bottom. That's how I remember which order to go in. Then the stout goes on top, obviously. Don't be a bum about it because you don't want these mixing too much when you pour, ya amateur.

So let's talk about this beer for a change. It's an abnormally smooth pale ale first of all. You could almost mistake it for a amble ale. It's sweet and not bitter at all. It's got a smooth, malty finish and leaves a somewhat dry aftertaste.  The look is cleaner than Columbian cocaine and doesn't leave you all paranoid after an all night rave.

I've always appreciated the old school, non-flashy label of Bass. In a world of 4G phones and flashy pinball machines, I can appreciate the subtlety of this bastardman. It's saying something like "Yeah, I'm cool, ya know?" and you can still get sloppy drunk off of 'em. I like America because we crank the size of our meals and the alcohol in our booze. In England its like 4.0% alcohol but, in typical American fashion, we crank it to 5%. Hey, if Bass wants to compete with PBR it's gotta step its game up son.

Like I said, this is a decent beer on it's own. It's not a head turner but any means, but it;s a fine reliable standby. When mixed with a stout it's fantastic, especially for a dessert. It run about $9 for a sixer, which is a decent deal. I might get bored after 5.5 of them. I'd say...if I was drinking at Chili's or Applebee's or something, I'd order this. I'd probably buy a six pack of this if I was at a 7-11 at like 1:30 in the morning as well.

Drinkability: 8/10
Taste: 6/10
Value: 5/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 6.5/10

Wychwood Brewery's Hobgoblin English Ruby Ale

With a beer tap like this, only a great fool would not order this at a bar or maybe the jivest of all turkeys. With the exception of the tap, this beer was also $4 at a bar, which was their monthly special and all the other beauties in the line-up, not counting Bud Light, were $5, so the economist in me obviously went with the Hobgoblin.

So Wychwood Brewery is jammed in Witney, England, not to be mistaken with Whitley, Duane Wayne's on-again off-again babe from "Diff'rent World". It's like, why did I ever watch that show? Remember Kriss Kross was on there once; man, those kids were tough.

So John Clinch opened a brewery there, right, and pretty much coined the insult "son of a banker". In all honestly, I think his name was something else, but opening a brewery was so clutch and a sinch that he changed his name. Then, like everything in the 80's, it was sold to some dude who called it the Eagle Brewery, and later was renamed to the Wynchwood brewery in the 90's when everyone agreed Eagle Brewery sounded stoopid.

This was all after Hobgoblin was created (1988) for some dudes daughter's wedding. This stuff was so popular that they opened up like 60 pubs over there selling it along with other libations, which is a good idea, because I personally don't see what people see in this stuff.

This stuff his the charts at 5.2% ABV. It's pretty dark, with a light sweet scent. The taste is a watered down, bitter, flavor wit ha very dry finish. i mean this beer goes down pretty easily, but I really think it'd be good with like, toast, or something like that. It isn't anything that you'd like, want to eat with chicken, or beef, or potatoes. It's sort of a fruity, Belgian style beer; in my opinion. I've found that most of the times a beer has some sort of character that looks like he might be on a Magic: the Gathering card, the beer is usually a poopy nightmare.

If you like a sourish, dark looking beer that tastes light with some citrus hints to it, you might like this beer. I dunno, the English seem to always like maybe their beers as bitter as their demeanor and watered down as their weather. I'd pass on this if I saw it again, but not if the only other choice was that Bud Light.

Drinkability: 6/10

Taste: 3/10

Value: 4/10
Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 4.75/10

Caledonian Brewery Company's Newcastle Winter IPA

That kind of jerks haven't reviewed Newcastle products yet? The kind of jerks whose incessant babbling you are currently reading.

Newcastle Brewery is owned by Heineken and the beer itself started around the late 1920's. it merged with someone you probably never heard of (because we haven't heard of them) and their shit is brewed in North Yorkshire in John Smith's Brewery (not Pocahontas' boyfriend; but what a babe, hubba hubba). But it was brewed in a few places beforehand and was originally marketed as the blue-collar man's beer; but could you imagine the Boss drinking this? Heck No! In the U.S. is marketed as a pretty trendy beer that jerks and men with popped collars enjoy on a frequent basis as they hit on babes at bars and talk about their mutual funds.

It originally was starter by Willie Younger (who isn't younger anymore) in 1749, which actually makes him older than shit. It was bought by Heineken in 2007 and Willie prompted turned in his grave.

The Winter IPA is available in November through January, like anyone could have guessed. It's got an ABV of 5.2% which is as strong as you were after taking a nap when you were eleven years old. The recipe is as classified as nude pictures of Amelia Earhart. Shooting from the hip, we'll say it has an IBU count in the low 50's. You can definitely taste some hops in there but it is quite mild to say the least. It tastes more like an English bitter or just a traditional winter ale. It has a bitter aftertaste so if you are some bro at the bar talking about your Mutual Funds, you might wanna pop a Breathsaver before feeling up some dame in the back of your Audi. I'd also play a little Steve Winwood. Shit's smoooooth.

The taste is malty enough going down; you not going to be able to necessarily slam these. It has a dry, bitter finish (see above) with a mildly frothy head on it, for an IPA. It's a pretty clean pour with a light amber tone and has some pretty decent carbonation action. It has a bittersweet scent with a touch of caramel.

I paid $17 for 12 of these which is a far cry from cheap or expensive. You can definitely find something better for the price. As far as IPAs are concerned, I would not pick this up if you are looking for a hoppy beer. It shines as far as a bitter aftertaste but the initial taste leaves something to be desired. It's dry finish with guarantee than you are going to want to slam like 15 burritos after a night of these puppies or you'll wake up drier than...you fill in the blank, pervert.


Drinkability: 4/10
Taste: 4/10
Value: 3/10
Curb Appeal: 5/10

Overall: 4.0/10

Wychwood Brewery – Hobgoblin

First off, a pretty kick ass website for Wychwood.  Wychwood is located in Witney, Oxfordshire UK, sounds pretty prestigious, but history will tell you the city’s claim to fame is bread, blankets, and beer. It must be a pretty cozy town.  The brewery was started in 1983 named ‘Eagle Brewery’, then changed its name to ‘Glenny Brewery’, then finally ‘Wychwood Brewery’ in 1990. In 1988 Hobgoblin was first brewed by request from a local landlord who wanted celebratory ale for his daughter’s wedding.  The guests were so giddy and drunk, Wychwood knew they had something good on their hands, fast forward a few years and they started bottling it in 1996.

Not to slam the beer in any way, because it’s pretty damn good, but when I ordered it, on the menu it was titled ‘HoPgoblin’, so I expected a very hoppy IPA. Then when it was poured I realized it was a typo. Talk about your snaffoos.  But no harm, I love brown ales, and I’m not one to turn down a beer of any sort at any time.

The color is a nice deep brown, and very sparkly. It’s like the Reunite Lambrusco of wines, if it was a beer, if that makes any sense.  Not very much head, like pouring a Cherokee Red, just fizzed out in a few seconds, but that’s ok.  It’s not hoppy at all, I’m guessing all that was used they added at the end for aroma, because there is definitely no bitterness and it’s very crisp and clean. I’d drink this anytime of year, some good malty, toffee, chocolate notes, and not heavy at all. I’m gonna search for some more Wychwood’s out there.

Did I mention the sweet witch on the bottle? 

ABV: 5.2%

Hops: Fuggles, Styrians

Malts: Pale, Crystal, Chocolate

Drinkability: 8/10
Taste: 7/10
Value: 5/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 6.75/10 

Ruddles Brewery's Ruddle County Ale

Ruddles Brewery was once set up by in Langham, Rutland; allegedly having more divots and holes than my parents' lane. George Ruddle bought it in 1912; obviously not called Ruddle Brewery prior to this purchase. It got sold off in 1986 where it was sold to a few other breweries, including Grolsh, but in 1997 it was sold to Greene King where it was moved to Abingdon (England's Binghampton) and later shut down. Local washerwomen and bitter neighborhood snoops been cracking wise on new Ruddles since leaving Langham arguing the well water in Langham gave the beer its great taste. Ruddles has been officially put on blast when it was labeled "Counterfeit" Ruddles by local beer snobs and dicks.

Sidenote: A commercial for Ruddles in 1994 featured the last appearance of Vivian Stanshall. If that doesn't tickle your pickle, it also included Mel Smith! Am I ready for a Ruddles? After seeing that, I'm not so sure.

Their website, which i have had open this whole time, is currently driving me insane with it's audible hooting and cawing. So, as my local beer snobs have already brought the hate to this guy and my growing frustration with these nature tracks on the website, I have already begun to pre-hate on these guys. However, to separate myself from my bear-snobby brethren, I gave these guys a second chance when I saw they had games on their website. My hopes and dreams were crushed as they were formed as the links we all busted. Just like Ruddles: Busted! They do seem to be advocates of games which I can easily respect but I find their website to be whack as shit.

Ruddles, themselves, brew four beers; Ruddles County, Ruddles Best, Ruddles Organic and Ruddles Rhubarb, and this is Ruddles County.

Ruddles County is a 4.7% ABV ale from England. The smell is a slightly hoppy, caramel aroma. The taste is complex floral and sweet hybrid that leaves a slight bitter, flowery taste in your mouth. It's crisp and refreshing, especially for a 4.7% beer with no overbearing strong alcohol taste you might get from a beer tasting this light. The bottle itself can be labeled as "weak sauce" and looks like a crappy horse saddle polish you might find at Wal-Mart. I picked it up for $4 for 500mL, which is the exact same cost a saddle polish at Wal-Mart.

The floral taste is a bit much for me but I can appreciate the taste. There are a lot of other ales I would go with instead of this. It kinda gives me the impression of what it tastes like after you walk through the perfume section at Macy's when you're Christmas Shopping and your mouth is open because your nose is stuffed up. i wouldn't get this again plus if all the other beer snobs in the world are going to hate on it since it moved, so will I. I'm a sheep.

Drinkability: 5/10

Taste: 4/10

Value: 4/10
Curb Appeal: 3/10

Overall: 4.0/10

Well's Bombardier

Well's Bombardier Ale hails from the United States' stepdad, England. The bottle has an alcohol percentage of 5.2%. (the cans, designed for women, are merely 4.3%) This is a typical ale. It has a crisp taste and leaves no aftertaste in your mouth. It's cool and refreshing and tastes like Budweiser if Budweiser made a beer that didn't leave a sweatsock taste in your mouth after sipping. It's definitely a lighter beer that you can drink 15 of and still run away from all the fights you start and jump over a fence without bothering your stomach. I picked up 500mL for about five bucks.

Drinkability: 8/10
Taste : 4/10
Value: 4/10

Overall: 5.3/10