Central Water's Brewhouse Coffee Stout

Picture this you nimrod: You're walking aimlessly in northern Wisconsin in the winter. It's dark out and hella cold. The snow is coming on thick and you think you'll never make it to "where ever the hell you're going" and all you have is your wit and a brown sack. In your mind, this song is on repeat and you are pretty sure you are losing it, and losing it fast. You split your sack open and pull out a double deuce of this yea out. You wedge the cap of with a stick you found next to that fence and in your last hours you slug this down with no fear. Then a pick-up truck beams its lights down the road and as much as you hate Wisconsin-folk this guy is a real gem and drops you off at the party you were headed to. The party was awesome and you tell that story and everyone thinks you are a real mountain man. Did I mention there are mountains? There's mountains.

Central Waters is a brewery in Amhurst, Wisconsin (originally in Junction City, WI). It started in 1996 by these two dudes (Mike McElwain and Jerry Ebel) in an old Model A factory. They hired local jag Paul "Moonlight" Graham as their head brewer. Three years later the company tanked and was sold to Clint Schultz and with Moonlight, they got imperial on everyone's ass and that's when the brewery really tool off (in 1999).

In 2001 they moved to Amhurst. Five years after that Schultz said adios and Moonlight and his pal Anello Mollica took the reigns; following all this? They currently have 18 beers in their rotation. It is said that the original brewers, McElwain and Ebel, are now pumping gas in Jersey.

These guys are all about solar energy and use photo cells to ensure lighting is not wasted (unlike you after slugging a few of these down). Long story short. Energy conservation and smaller carbon footprint. Sounds more like California than Wisconsin.

I mentioned beer; remember beers? They got 7 in their normal rotation, 4 for their seasonals, 8 in their reserve series (like this one) and another three in the cellar sessions (which requires your left arm and your first born to receive). Worth it by the way.

This is their Brewhouse Coffee Stout. Emy J is responsible for the coffee and Moonlight and his pal are responsible for the rest. As the picture suggests, this has a dark tan head and is darker than Tony Goldwyn's soul. Don't get that reference? Have you ever seen Ghost ingrate? Demi Moore was pretty hot in that movie. And the Swayze. But when isn't he a looker. (RIP).

So how does this taste? Like the aforementioned story suggests; this stuff is thick, heavy and ready for your mouth (like your high school prom date). It has a sweet scent (unlike your prom date) with some chocolatey hints and coffee overtones.  It's quite sweet and malty. Thick, creamy and smooth. There isn't much head to it which might deter some people but trust me, this is a very nice, full bodied stout.

So flavor? Yeah. Solid. So that prolly means its more expensive than a Danish Hooker, right? P'Shaw mudderflutter! I picked this up for under $6 for a double deuce so this has a lot going for it. So here's the catch, probably not very strong. Well listen up Hercules, if you think 8.2% ABV is weak then go back to Hades with Sir Loins-A-Lot and benchpress school buses.

You aren't going to be able to slug a million of these before the 100m hurdles, however, for a stout these are quite potable. I wish totally get this again and I think anyone who doesn't is downright silly in the head. I don't like to be negative, but it's the truth. Cheap, delicious, strong. This is Wisconsin (the good parts) stuffed in a bottle. Really, REALLY good stout. Oh-Em-Gee.

Drinkability: 9/10
Taste: 9/10
Value: 7/10
Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 8.25/10

Great Lakes Brewing Co. Blackout Stout

Back in 2003 something went wrong up in the Northeastern United States and all the electricity stopped working. Some guys fixed it after a while but it was still kinda creepy with all that darkness. Darkness can be creepy but darkness can also be very good. 

The Great Lakes Brewing Co. named this imperial stout after that infamous blackout in 2003. Now let us talk about it. 

The Great Lakes Brewing Co. is based in Cleveland, Ohio, across the Hope Memorial Bridge from downtown. I spent a beautiful early autumn afternoon in the pub downstairs watching the Indians whoop on the Twins. 

Ok, back to business. The imperial stout originated from recipes British brewers created for Russia's czars and czarinas before the Bolsheviks chopped all their heads off. So, now all of us get to enjoy 'em. A variety of malts and hops help contribute to this stout's flavor. Roasted barley and black malt help develop the stout's dark Pennzoil color at 50 IBUs. Northern brewer and Simcoe hops blend together to create a characteristically bold-hoppy flavor. 

I've only recently gotten into the stout game thanks to my good brother Adam Gregory. The extra hops and alcohol content of the blackout stout don't go down as smooth as the many Lancaster Milk Stouts we be sluggin' down on the regular but it still maintains a robust yet smooth flavor. A strong, coffee like aroma fills your mouth after every sip. Glorious. 

This beer recommends a 50 degree serving temperature, so be sure to have your meat thermometers ready. 

Where I start to get interested is the stout's 9% abv. Now, boy do those Russians love their booze! I reckon that's approximately the alcohol content of three Pennsylvania style lagers. Which you can pick up for like eleven dollars a case at your local Pennsylvania ugly beer distributor. 

Great Lakes packages these stouts in 4-packs rather than 6-packs, probably for your own safety. After four of these you'll be feeling crisp. After twelve of these you'll be pissing your pants and telling people your name is "Sally Draper". 

Merry Christmas

Drinkability: 7/10

Taste: 7/10

Value: 6/10

Curb Appeal: 9/10

Overall: 7.25/10

Boston Brewing Company's Winter Lager

Those scumbags in Boston are back at it again with this winter lager. If you wanna read about Boston Brewing Company you can read about it in this review with one major update: Boston Brewing Company is no longer the largest American Owned Brewery in the world. It got beat out to our friends at Yuengling. Huzzah to the commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

So let's get to the beer, why don't we? First and foremost I think winter ales and lagers are for the birds. I might get into pumpkin beers and I'll toss back some nog when the time's right but winter beers? Not my steeze. What is my steeze? NBA Jam, raspberry jam and the Jam. All things JAM! Delicious. I'll say this about this winter lager....I've had worse. It's got a dark tan head and a nice amber color; it's like the Samoset of beer; one of the more underrated native Americans. Speaking of, I bet those dude brewed some pretty gnar brews. And man, weren't they ripped? I bet those guys would totally clean up in MMA. Like that Indian in Ernest Goes to Camp; when the blade and gun and tomahawk or whatever the shit it was couldn't hurt em. Then Ernest was all like, "Hey Vern...these boys are keeping their camp" and those dudes had that food shooting machine. Third world problems.

So we agree it looks good. The price wasn't too bad. I picked up a twelver for 14 bones which, let's face it, ain't too shab. It's 5.6% ABV so you won't be driving any school buses after a kegstand or four. And the label is the same bullshit label their Boston Lager uses (pretty much) which I'm a little more than "sick of". Still, it's no Juju.

It's got a sweet scent; with some citrus and ginger undertones. It's a lager so it isn't too malty. They do use a decent amount of malts. Samuel Adams two-row pale malt blend, Caramel 60, malted wheat, Weyermann Carafa Malt, and Munich 10 is your are keeping score. They also use a couple of hops I never heard of which immediately makes me think they are made up. Whatever though, I'm not judging.

All things considered, this tastes less than a fart than most winter brews. Would I get it again? Uhm. Probably not. The taste isn't as overwhelming as most winter hooch. I picked this up for a party just in case other booze ran out. Spoiler alert; it didn't. So now I'm stuck with a handful of these. I can probably power through them...after chugging cough syrup. Again, not a winter beer fan, but as far as winter brews go; it's way more tolerable than some jerks out there.

Drinkability: 6.0/10
Taste: 6.0/10
Value: 5.0/10
Curb Appeal: 4.0/10

Overall: 5.25/10

Brewery Ommegang's Three Philosophers Quadruple Ale

Just when you thought a triple ale was enough. Ommegang rolls in like Hulk Hogan through a brick wall saying "Damn NOOOO!!!!!". This review is all about their Three Philosopher Quadruple Ale in a quintuple faceted examination. Brewery review neatly filed here.

Facet #1 - This shit is 9.7% and any decent student at a state school fondly calls it "blackout juice". I'm not a mathematician, however, I think this magnum equates to an easy sixer of Rolling Rock. Because no matter how much Rolling Rock you drink, you never get drunk. Did you ever notice that? Or did you just dry heave after your first one and vow to never drink Rolling Rock again. Remember when Rolling Rock wasn't bad when it was brewed in Latrobe and the only downside was that Latrobe smelled like Gary, Indiana after a spring shower? God Gary stinks to high-hell.

Facet #2 - New York beer pretty much stinks. For as much volume as they put out in NY, it also tastes a little too "New York" for me. This is a Belgian style ale so it doesn't taste like your run of the mill New York swill.

Facet #3 - Cool bottle; works a a weapon. Works good for the average female boozehound walking the streets at night. The cork top makes people know your not a jag-bag; a jag perhaps.

Facet #4 - Reasonably priced. You can get this for about $12 at your local party store. You DO like to party; don't you? After a few of these you won't be able to say "party", you animal.

Facet #5 - Bittersweet aroma, bold, pungent taste. Stings the nostrils. Malty as the dickens with chocolate hints mixed with a piney goodness with spice.

They use a handful of malts; notably Pils, Amber, Caramel, Munich and my favorite "Special"...Xtra. Their hops are limited to Spalt Select and Stryrian Golding. The IBU is a mere 19, which is surprisingly low. Go figure, and you thought you knew everything about beer you dummy.

I picked this bastard up in a triple threat pack for a song...the set was about $25. I don't care for Belgium or New York but this is a palatable Belgian. Heavy, malty, filling. These are a few of my favorite things. If you can drink more than 3 in a sitting you are the king. Don't pass up this at your local boozehole.

Other Ommegang Reviews:
Chocolate Indulgence
Hennepin Farmhouse

Drinkability: 6/10
Taste: 7/10
Value: 7/10
Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 7.0/10

Deschutes Brewery's Jubelale Winter Ale

This is a great brewery and quite frankly it's surprising this is the first brew review from them.

This brewery is located in Bend, Oregon right off the Deschutes River and is one of my favorite breweries. I have the utmost respect for ex-brewmaster Larry Sidor (now working at Crux Fermentation Project) and he helped to get a hell of a line-up at Deschutes. Their line-up are usually solid as hell and wicked cool.

This beer is darker than the heart of Saruman and just as cold. It's got a dark tan head on it so you know this stuff is gonna be full bodied. It's like saying "hey man, come and get it". Oh, you're gonna get it Buster Brown. And at 6.7% ABV gonna gonna really get it. The label is alright. It was designed by Avlis Leumas who painted a picture of the local owl celebrity. Yeah. I said local owl celebrity, dodo brain. You can buy his stupid crap online. Look it up if you want. I'm not gonna send ya there. Still a nice label. You can get a sixer for a 10-spot.

Okay. You can see Avlis Leuman stuff here.

The taste is a cool, bitter consistency with a mulchy spice with a hint of fruit. They use pale, crystal, roasted barley and carapils malts and nugget, cascade, willamette, styrian, tettnang, and east kent golding hops. Also known as "all the left over stuff mixed together". This shit yields 60 IBU's so if you think this shit isn't as bitter an ex-highschool girlfriend you dumped at the roller skating rink; you'd be wrong.

It gives off a sweet aroma and a heavier scent of fruit than the taste would suggest.

I don't typically like winter ales and this one is no different. These are great because they are strong, heavy and bitter. I suggest if you are trying to substitute a meal for a beer, this will do. It has a gravy-like aftertaste to help. So it has it's good points. This would be a good beer to warm you up at a bar as you snack on some peanuts. It's so bitter you don't really wanna slug a dozen of these down and wrestle your dad on Christmas morning in your underwear. I mean what are you gonna do? Wrestle best of 3? Until someone taps out? I mean just stick to getting it at a bar. Though it would be a nice Christmas memory. Pretty good for a winter ale but it's still a winter ale.

Drinkability: 7/10
Taste: 7/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 6.5/10

Lakefront Brewery's Bridge Burner Special Reserve Ale

Here's another beer from Lakefront Brewery. We initially reviewed them here so if you wanna know more jack about them, go take a Gander Mountain there.

This beer already has two good things going for it; it's from Lakefront and its a Special Reserve Ale and anyone know knows anything know I like special shit. How special is this shit? Answer: not special at all. It's a year round libation that any jerk can get in Illinois or Wisconsin. So you could imagine my disappointment when I found out how un-special my special beer was. Their marketing group gets a tip of the hat because they totally got me; hook, line and sinker.

So what else can we say about this special ale other than it isn't special? Well, name aside there are some pretty remarkable things about this beer. Notably it has a 8.5% ABV which means it can take the paint off your car. And if "special" means you won't remember your night after a 6-pack then I stand corrected.

So clearly, you can see this beer is dark and has a fairly large, tan head. It's pretty thick and oaktrees your glass, which is great when you want to count how many sips you've been taking.

Oaktree Effect

It has a sweet scent which is totally representative to its taste. So that being said, it has a sweet taste. Duh. It has a full bodied, malty taste. It's smooth, thick and delicious. It has a little bitterness to it and has around 38 IBUs. They use two row, caramel, aromatic and chocolate malts and zeus, cascade, willamette and centennial hops. I hope you are taking notes so you can brew your own. But this stuff is so good that you can cough up the $5.50 to buy a double deuce you G.D. cheapskate.

This is a dandy beer for malty beer lovers and IPA fans; a real crowd pleaser. Babes may not dig it and request a Zima with a Jolly Rancher instead but that's cool; more for you. You may not be able to shove a million of these down your throat but I'll be dipped if this isn't a real tasty brew. I would totally get it again and see if I can pass out after three if I drink them real fast. Ah. The glorification of alcohol.

Drinkability: 7/10
Taste: 9/10
Value: 7/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 7.5/10

Brewery Ommegang's Hennepin Farmhouse Saison

Crank it and spank it ladies and germs!

Let me start off by saying Ommegang really tickles my heartstrings. They truly cater to the lazy boozehound. They sell these magnums and cram 7.7% ABV in these mothers. Getting drunk wasn't this easy since middle school!

For all the scholars out there, we originally reviewed Ommegang here. So if you want to read up on them I highly suggest you read that. If you're a slacker, like I'm guessing you are, I'll tell you a little more about this beer.

Any asshole can simply read the bottle and tell you where the term Hennepin originated. So let me type it for you and you can just read it. Named after Louis Hennepin, supposed avid pinball champion and explorer was the first turkey from Europe to visit Niagra Falls. Rumor has it he started the first bullshit wax museum and creamsicle flavored malt liquor. What else does Niagra Falls suck at? We don't have time for that.

From the site if this bad bastard, it's got more head than Man-E-Faces from He-Man. It follows up with a pretty serious champagne-esque fountain of bubbles stemming from the bottom of the glass. The head is whiter than Columbian cocaine and the beer itself its a clear amber beauty. The head adheres to the sites of your glass, exposing its deep, flavorful undertones.

The scent shits yeast.  It prepares your taste buds for a bitter, dry aftertaste.  For as dry as a finish as it has, the initial taste is crisp.  Initial chugs will deceive that this beer is light and uninteresting, however, when washing your mouth with it, the yeast triggers a malty, bubbling sensation encompassing your mouth. This beer is like a champagne and white wine rolled into one.

I don't typically care for saisons so my opinion is a little biased, however, I try and be fair. This beer does a great job. It isn't obnoxious but I can't see myself drinking more than a magnum in one sitting. I'm pretty sure most of Ommegang's stuff is Belgian-style. I don't care for belgians myself, but I know when a brewer makes a great beer.  I don't mind this beer at all. I wouldn't buy a case of it but I'd be real excited (and drunk) if someone brought some to an event to share.

It's hoppy, crisp and full bodied. I'd suggest to pour this in a stemmed glass. You want to keep this cold like white wine and you don't want to drink a mouthful of yeast at the bottom of the bottle like a real jerk.

Drinkability: 6/10
Taste: 8/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 6.75/10

Flying Dog Brewery - UnderDog Atlantic Lager

Hey all, it's been awhile. I'm back for my yearly review.

I bring to you another one from a favorite brewery of mine, the Flying Dog Brewery out of Frederick, Maryland. These guys pay homage to the late gonzo journalist, Hunter S. Thompson, whom you may have heard of. Ralph Steadman, a british artist & close friend of Thompson's, has created the label artwork for Flying Dog since 1995. And might I say, he does a humdinger of a job on those labels.

This lager gives you the best of both worlds; the crisp hoppy taste & aroma of an ale yet the smooth feel and finish of a good lager thanks to a variety of hops and specialty malts. At 28 IBU's this lager is one of the darker lagers on the IBU scale yet it still holds a crisp and light taste.

You can give me the Pepsi challenge with this beer any day of the week and one thing I'm not going to guess is that it's a lager. The hoppy finish is something you would expect from a pale ale. This beer holds a refreshing taste yet it doesn't quite meet my category of tailgating beers. This is a beer that you can enjoy 2 or 10 of at the local pub; and at 4.7% AB, that's doable for a seasoned boozer. 

I picked a six-pack up for around 9 bucks at the local Giant Eagle, just make sure you check the expiration date when buying beer from those ninnies. 

If the thought of pouring an amber lager and an IPA together into a glass and drinking it sounds good to you, then well here you go.

good people drink good beer

Drinkability: 7/10

Taste: 8/10

Value: 8/10

Curb Appeal: 10/10

Overall: 8.25/10

Full Pint Brewing Company - Pittsburgh Dad's 3-2-1 Win

I really wanted this one to be good! If you don't know who Pittsburgh Dad is check out a youtube example here.

This is another beer made by Full Pint outside of Pittsburgh, and you can check out some info on them in another review here.

Personally I think the videos are awesome and relate to more than just Pittsburgh, so check em out. They seem like really good guys and always are on local radio shows and do appearances around town.

Any who, this is Pittsburgh Dad's 3-2-1 Win Beer. It's named after Pittsburgh Dad's quote to when watching a the Pens or Steelers to countdown the last seconds of a game. Although he uses it for Pens more than Steelers. Sad to say I was pretty disappointed.

It's a pilsner and super clear and crisp, but that about all. Just kinda tastes like beer, which isn't bad, beer is great, but I was hoping for something a little more flavorful. But hey if its marketed to the local clientele this one flies off the shelves.

The pour is nice, small frothy head, and a grassy smell which lends the style. And drinkable, so I don't wanna be too harsh, its a pilsner and tastes like a pilsner.

I paid like 3 bucks for it, so its not breaking the bank, and I kick myself for not saving the bottle.

Drinkability: 6/10
Taste: 5/10
Value: 8/10
Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 6.75/10

Tallgrass Brewing Company's 8-Bit Pale Ale

Crank it and drank it kids!

I'll be the first to say I can appreciate any beer that combines some of my favorite things, such as 8-bit gaming and pale ales. Throw in the fact that I came across this beer in a game of chance (left over from a BBQ) and didn't cost me a thing? Well, that's a hat trick my friend.

Tallgrass was founded in 2007 by Jeff and Tricia Gill. Jeff was a homebrewer looking to start up a microbrew and did so in Manhattan, Kansas. They currently have about 7 regulars in line-up with a few seasonals sprinkled out across the year. The interesting thing about Tallgrass is that all their beers are in cans. This is for environmental, cost savings, and beer quality reasons.

This is their 8-bit pale ale (also known as their only "non-indian" pale ale). It's got an IBU of 40 and an ABV of 5.2%. If you multiply that together you get 208! And if that doesn't tell you something then your a total dumbo! They use galaxy hops along with other Cascades and Goldings hops used in pale ales. That gives it a little more citrus and passion fruit undertones. And you fruits know how much passion I got.

Well let's talk about it, right? Little cloudy, not gonna lie. Did not expect that. There is also a lot of head on this beer and have a cream color to it.

It has a citrus scent, like most pale ales. Pretty mild scent given the full flavor this baby packs.  It has a thick, malty taste with a bitter, dry finish. I feel this is a good beer for tossing around a football to. It's heavy, malty; makes a man feel like a man. Leave a lasting, bitter flavor in your mouth. And maybe you'll just cook up a few sausages on the grill with the guys afterwards. You can wax intellectually about mustards. Oh, yeah. And you can talk about mustard a lot, can't you?

This is a great pale ale. Can't really slam them but it's got a tasty, long finish that can carry you through a long afternoon of sports. Pair this up with some Tecmo Bowl and some sausage and you got a nice little weekend there, don't ya? For 9 bones you can score 4 pounders. Which is better than being called a loser buy a 10 year old. I'd pick this up if I saw 'er in a store. Don't go down as clean as some pale ales; but this one is worth savoring.

Drinkability: 6/10
Taste: 8/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 7.0/10

Bass Brewing Company's Pale Ale

So this is Bass Pale Ale. Bass started up in 1777 by Billy Bass in Trent, England. Shit used to be the highest selling beer in the UK once upon a time. InBev bought them in 2000 and, like all things that got bought by InBev, went right down the shitter.

Bass is known for it red triangle. True story; England's first registered trademark. Bet you didn't know that you dirty liar! It's so gd popular its been used in Picasso stuff and Manet. It's no Monet but, hey, it's something.

Let's talk about black and tans, shall we? We shall. I like Bass on it own, however, where it really stands out is when it's used in black and tans. I find those to be excellent. I try and order them when bars generally have bad selections of beers. A little treat if you will. I used to work with Irish and English guys and it's been embedded in my mind that England on the bottom. That's how I remember which order to go in. Then the stout goes on top, obviously. Don't be a bum about it because you don't want these mixing too much when you pour, ya amateur.

So let's talk about this beer for a change. It's an abnormally smooth pale ale first of all. You could almost mistake it for a amble ale. It's sweet and not bitter at all. It's got a smooth, malty finish and leaves a somewhat dry aftertaste.  The look is cleaner than Columbian cocaine and doesn't leave you all paranoid after an all night rave.

I've always appreciated the old school, non-flashy label of Bass. In a world of 4G phones and flashy pinball machines, I can appreciate the subtlety of this bastardman. It's saying something like "Yeah, I'm cool, ya know?" and you can still get sloppy drunk off of 'em. I like America because we crank the size of our meals and the alcohol in our booze. In England its like 4.0% alcohol but, in typical American fashion, we crank it to 5%. Hey, if Bass wants to compete with PBR it's gotta step its game up son.

Like I said, this is a decent beer on it's own. It's not a head turner but any means, but it;s a fine reliable standby. When mixed with a stout it's fantastic, especially for a dessert. It run about $9 for a sixer, which is a decent deal. I might get bored after 5.5 of them. I'd say...if I was drinking at Chili's or Applebee's or something, I'd order this. I'd probably buy a six pack of this if I was at a 7-11 at like 1:30 in the morning as well.

Drinkability: 8/10
Taste: 6/10
Value: 5/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 6.5/10

Ayinger - Bräu Weisse

So first let me start out that if you look at my profile I’m about as much of a hefeweizen fan as I am a fan of DQ's Peanut Buster Parfait, and I HATE the parfait. Sounds crazy I know, but it makes me sick and peanuts are a worthless nuts unless taken from the shell. But, I decided if my reviews are gonna be worth the screen they're written on then I need to dabble in to all styles. I've been sluggin hefe's the past few weeks so here goes.

If you wanna check out some info on Ayinger check out a past review here.

This was Ayinger Bräu Weisse. I'll start by saying the label and cap really make me feel warm inside. I like when a company puts some effort in the cap rather than the standard cap for all their brews, so points for that. Now the beer poured a nice farmy straw color which matches the artwork, with a nice frothy head. I've read that this beer on tap doesn't have the same effect, so for all those Ayinger reps reading this, might wanna educate your customers of proper serving psi. The smell is of citrus and slight banana, and the taste is the same with an addition of vanilla and some mild spice. As most hefe's this has that velvety mouth feel that relates to the style.

This went down fast and I could probably drink a dozen in a row. Really good summer beer, and would be quite refreshing after doing some lawn work.

The ABV is 5.1% and price was free for me from a beer trade at work. I traded some Magic Hats and a couple Yueng's, so I definitely made out on the deal, but I'm assuming 5-6 bones a bottle. Decent deal on a session-able hefe.

Drinkability: 8/10
Taste: 7/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 7/10

König Ludwig Weiss Beer

Crank it brah.

This is a beer review of König Ludwig Weiss Beer, the first review of this German brewer.

This beer, like most European breweries, is older than dirt. This particular brewery kicked off in 1260. This date is most notable for when Genghis Khan's grandson conquered Damascus (729 years before Genghis, himself, conquered Oshman's Sporting Goods). The brewery is located in Fürstenfeldbruck and in 1292, this dude, Herzog Rudolf, built up this badass castle there which is still part of the brewery today, though that didn't actually take place there until 1870. It was pretty much just a boring castle for the first 500 years. It got destroyed a handful of time during wars and shit, but rebuilt, destroyed, rebuilt...you get the idea.

The slogan for this beer is "Bier von königlicher Hoheit". At a glance any nerd can tell you this translates to "Beer for Hobbits", but apparently is actually translates to "Beer of the Royal Highness"; though I always thought that was Miller High Life. You learn something new every day.

So these characters brew a handful of libations. Most notably, their Dunkel, Hefeweissen, and Light. I should also mention, whenever you drink "hell" beer; that's German for light. I still would refrain from ordering it in front of your family though so they don't hear all your swears. But this is a review of the Hefeweissen.

So the appearance is pretty self explanatory if you look at the dang picture above. Its relatively clear for a wheat beer. It's got a decent, clean head and about three quarters head on it's shoulders.

The taste is wheaty and dry with a bitter after taste. It's dryness doesn't really leave your mouth for a while and I feel I could really whistle after polishing off a few of these bad boys. The babe behind the counter tossed a lemon in there which I found to be delightful. I should mention that I rode my bike a few miles to this place and I really needed to wet my whistle. This stuff went down real easy and was real light and hit the spot like I can't even explain.

It wasn't the cheapest beer in the world, go figure, and cost $7 for half a liter, but you can get a 6-pack of 11.2ozers for $9. Would I spend $7 for another, probably not. But I would definitely pick up a sixer on the run. The label is old school and regal as shit; so people would know you're legit when you roll up with some of this stuff. It's got a 5.5% ABV and is so easy to crush you'll probably get hellawasted off of 12 beers in 10 minutes; especially if it's hot out.

Drinkability: 9.0/10
Taste: 9.0/10
Value: 4.0/10
Curb Appeal: 7.0/10

Overall: 7.25

Blatant Brewery's Blatant IPA

Crank the crap outta this mother!

This is the first review of a beer brewed from Blatant Brewery. This brewery is currently located in Williamsburg, Massachusetts. It was founded by Matthew Steinberg 2010 after 15 of so extensive years of brewing beers at other micros in the tri-state area. The brewery itself prides itself of it artisan values and samples each of their ingredients before brewing. This is probably pretty easy since they only have 2 major beers, the Blatant IPA and their Session Blonde Ale.  They'll come out with other stuff here and there such as their double imperial IPA but is few and far between. The double was a result of their one-year anniversary and is harder to come across than a sailor coming across the clap when he ports.

First thing you will notice about this beer is that it's cloudier than shit; thick as pea soup! It's got a half inch white head to it. Contrary to the sight, this is a surprisingly smooth taste. Not a gritty, sediment consistency. There is a heavy hop to it but it's a IPA you turkey, of course it'll be hoppy. It hits the charts at 65 IBUs which is deceiving because it tastes like it'd be higher.  It has a pretty dry finish to it and a sour aftertaste. The bottle itself has some nice curb appeal to it, simple and subtle. If you are drinking this under a bridge, all of the other bums will be like "Who's this classy-ass bum with his fancy swill?" and you will inevitably get knifed in your sleep because they will think you got some killer-ass shit in your shopping cart. I actually got this on draft to avoid that complication and it ran me $6 but everything else at the bar was within a dollar of that so the entire place was a little pricey. It's got a ABV of 6.5% so it isn't the weakest girl at scout camp.

Overall this is a great IPA. It goes down pretty smooth and is great for a hot day. It's not nearly as heavy as it looks but is so bitter that you might have issues downing a sixer. It would be good to try out a double deuce or split a sixer with a pal, if you have any pals.

Drinkability: 7.0/10
Taste: 7.0/10
Value: 4.0/10
Curb Appeal: 7.0/10

Overall: 6.25

Left Hand Brewery's Good Juju Ginger Ale

I said Ginger Ale; but this isn't "Ginger Ale" if you know what I mean. Maybe it'll all make sense after cranking this shit up to the max.

So this is another review from our pals at Left Hand. You might remember our initial review right here. Then again, you might not. But if you wanna know some jack about em, click on that link and it'll give ya the low down. I should add, the same turkey who designed Sawtooth designed this label.

Who like ginger? I'll tell you know doesn't; me. So I will try and give my unbiased opinion on this; ginger aside. I mean if you like ginger, this is probably for you, though I couldn't imagine that people are like "bro, gimme something that gets me drunk...but can you make it taste like ginger for shuck's sake?"

"That stuff...makes pure mescaline seem like...ginger beer, man" loops in my head as I drink this I should also mention.

So let's start with the label, shall we? I've seen worse.  It's very Ed Hardy-ish which is a big negative. If no one else makes that correlate you don't have to feel self conscious about holding it. If you are like me, you'll prefer it in a glass. Skullish with lizards and salamanders in the eye sockets. I dunno. It's not my steeze. Dead fish and bats? I mean, as a growned up, I like a simpler, subtle label. So they aren't winning me over there.

It's as clean as the driven snow in looks and taste. It's crisp and refreshing, so it's a good lawnmowing beer. It's not decent bubble action throughout and like a white head when pouring which vanishes after about 10 seconds after pouring (see picture above). What I like about this is, it's so light that you can easily crush a ton of these at a sitting and make a royal ass out of yourself from anywhere from funerals to a classy wedding brunch. But at a ABV of 4.5% you'll need to crush the healthier portion of a 12 pack to get your gnar on.

The scent is way more ginger than the flavor, so don't be too deterred at first sniff. Malty would be the biggest over exaggeration in beer history. This stuff has less malt than an empty box of Whoppers. Do they still come in those milk cartons? I'd destroy one of those bastards.

Would I ever get this again? Hells No. If it was part of a variety pack, would this be the last beer I grab? Hells Yes. Like I said earlier, I'm not a ginger guy. It's an interesting beer and if you like ginger I'd check out out. It's light and crisp and great for the summer. Left Hand makes great beers but I tend to lean towards their stouts rather than their light beers.

I wouldn't say "swing and a miss" but this is something better to order a pint at a bar and say "that's interesting" and move on your way in my opinion. At $11 a sixer, there are worse things to waste your money on.

Drinkability: 8.0/10
Taste: 4.0/10
Value: 5.0/10
Curb Appeal: 3.0/10

Overall: 5.0

Atwater Brewery – Vanilla Java Porter

So, Atwater is located in Detroit so that’s about the only thing you can visit there in current times unless the Flint Tropics have a Megabowl goin on. They started up in 1997 and pride themselves on brewing lagers in such a traditional style that they import all their equipment and ingredients directly from Germany. On the other hand their specialty ales only use American hops so that’s where this one falls in line.

I’ve had a bunch of coffee/vanilla beers and some are just way to overpowering in flavors to really enjoy, but the guys at Atwater got this one right. It’s a smooth, dark and creamy porter, which surprisingly is very light on the body. It’s well balanced and very roasty but not a burnt roastyness you get with some porters. With that goin for it, the subtle hints of coffee and vanilla, and an ABV at 5.5%, I wouldn’t call this a session beer, but I could see myself pounding 3 or 4 of these without even noticing.

It would be great for an after meal treat and won’t get you beggin for a nap after.  I think this bad boy cost me $2.50 at my local bottle shop, so a really great deal for a specialty beer.

Drinkability: 7/10
Taste: 7/10
Value: 8/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 7.25/10

Lakefront Brewery's Eastside Dark Lager

Crack it Jack!

Eastside, southside? Same G.D. difference.

So this is another beer from Lakefront Brewery. You might remember us drooling over their Fixed Gear here; so if you need any information on the brewery click on that crap! And unlike that review, I will not bring up the 1987 Detroit Tigers.

So the first thing to note is that this is a dark LAGER; so it isn't going to be as malty as a carton of Whoppers or anything. In fact you might see some similarities to this or this. Oh that last "this" didn't have a hyperlink? That because it was supposed to direct you to Sessions Dark Lager, which we've drank and recently discovered, we never reviewed. But it would be in that category.

So let's get down to business; shall we?  This guy here, well, as mentioned before, it isn't malty like a stout or porter, but surprisingly crisp in traditional lager taste. So if you are going for a thick, malty beverage this is not the booze for you. For a dark lager this is a fine beer though; however, I find that audience somewhat limited.

It's got a solid dark, rich flavor as as you slosh it in your gullet, you'll find a malty, foamy, chocolately, bittersweet goodness. One the whole, however, in typical lager fashion, this beer is relatively flat and loses its off-white head in a matter of minutes, again, representative of lagers.

Is got a bittersweet chocolate aroma which is deceiving to the crisp, clear taste it provides. You could slam a bunch of these real fast, but soon find out it leaves a bitter, dry taste in your mouth. I'm not suggesting to chug the ever-living crap out of these..but at 5.6% ABV it couldn't hurt.

As far as dark lagers this brute is right in line with anyone in the market; which only strengthens my opinion of Lakefront. It is a good after dinner beverage. It doesn't fill you up and it leaves a pleasant taste in your mouth that only ten handful of Fritos can eliminate.

I wouldn't necessarily order this again only because dark lager aren't my steeze. But it is quite pleasant. I;d drink this before a stout or porter after a large bbq'ed dinner for a rich, malty treat. But typically, I might run to another variety of beer in that occasion. If I was in the situation of getting a dark lager, it would be on the top of my list given that it wast about $11 a 6er.

Drinkability: 7/10
Taste: 7/10
Value: 5/10
Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 6.25/10

Great Lakes Brewing Company - Christmas Ale

Better late than never. A Christmas Ale review in June. I can truthfully say that this bottle has been cared for and stored in the refrigerator since December and is to the utmost quality. So jack this, brother!

So this is Great Lakes Christmas Ale. It gets released in November and will be off the shelves before you have time to unwrap your coal. This beer has a few good things going for it. First of all, my buddy bought this for me so it was free (score!) and second of all, it's 7.5% ABV, so if your sucking these back at a family holiday gathering you be night and blitzed fast so you don't have to listen to your Uncle Harold rattle on about gun laws because you'll be blind, stinking drunk about about 6 of these. Actually, a 6-pack of these is a good thing to bring anywhere where you don't wanna be sober for long. Whether it be a family get-together or a midnight mass; it works.

It's a clear, crisp beer with a lot of flavor. It's got a sweet, honey bouquet with strong hints of ginger and cinnamon. For as clear and crisp as it is, it certainly is heavy.  I would suggest not chugging the crap out of these and I find work great as something to sip on to avoid talking to people. That way you can drink 'em real fast AND it's functional.

It's got a strong, sweet scent and malty flavoring making for a pretty tasty treat. It might be difficult to slam these all night, so they are better to share (in the Christmas spirit) but for as special as these are, I'd trade em for something good. If someone tries to trade a Bud Light for one you can respectfully tell them to go to hell. It runs about $11 for a 12 pack, so at that alcohol level it makes it pretty affordable. I wouldn't get a similar tasting beer any time during the year but it makes for a nice yuletide treat.

Other Great Lakes Beer Reviews
Alchemy Double IPA
Lake Erie Monster IPA
Conways Irish Ale
Commodore Perry IPA
Eliot Ness Lager
Rye of the Tiger IPA

Drinkability: 5/10
Taste: 6/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 5.75/10

Brewery Ommegang's Chocolate Indulgence Belgian-Style Stout

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh muh-gang.

Ommegang Brewery has been around since 1997 and is located just south of Cooperstown, New Yawk. It used to be a hop farm has has been growing like wildfire. It distributes to 45 of the continental United States AND Hawaii and Alaska, that's pretty impressive. So fast, in fact, some of the founders sold their shares to Duvel and they helped brew Ommegang for about three years in the early 00's.

They have 6 regular beers in their arsenal and come out with about 6 seasonals a year (some repeating, some not). This girl debuted in 2007 and has been going pretty strong since.

It's got a real sweet aroma, with hints of bitter chocolate. It's a thick, brown consistency and darker than Bill Belichick's soul. It's a heavy, bitter taste.  The bittersweet flavor nips the sides of your tongue and goes down  as hard Sidney Crosby after taking a puck to the mouth and is just as pleasurable. It's smooth and malty and makes for a nice heavy dessert after a tough day in the coal mine. It's got some serious, tan foam action and leaves a pretty serious build-up on your glass.

I'll say a few things about this beer. First of all, these guys seem to really get dudes. I mean it looks pretty badass, like your a total "player". Like babes would totally get with you if you ripped this mother out of a paper bag. They'd be like "well, hello mister man". So your already a smooth operator if you have this AND it's 7.0% ABV so you can totally get wasted drunk after a few of these. I wish my wine bottles looked this smooth.

The one thing I do not like about this beer is that it's as bossy as a prom date.  It says "serve at 50 degree Fahrenheit". Uh, I'm pretty sure I'm gotta serve this at the same temperature as my fridgerator. Or the cooler at the local 7-11 (if I'm in a hurry). I guess bossiness is what you gotta deal with if you wanna be classy.

This baby ran me $10.99 as the local part store for a 750 mL bottle. Quick math with tell you that about a 4 pack of Amstel and about fifty beers worth a flavor. It's a pretty great beer to share with your buddy as you have stogies on the front steps or if you really wanna look cool in front of a babe or dude. For a Belgian Style Stout, you don't really get too much of the tart, Belgian style hullabaloo and you just get a tasty, rich beer. But don't scale any tall fences or run from the cops, or you're out of luck, Chuck.

Drinkability: 5/10
Taste: 9/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 7.0/10

Great Lakes Brewing Company - Rye of the Tiger IPA

Turn this junk up unless you fell of the turnip truck as a kid!

Another great beer from our friends at Great Lakes; Rye of the Tiger Rye-PA. This is named for its higher rye malt content opposed to other brews omitting such malt. Its got a floral scent as most IPAs do with a sharp bite that really nips the sides of your tongue. It's got a bit of a dry after taste which isn't necessarily different that other Indian Pale Ales. If you wanted a watery aftertaste I suggest drinking this crapola in high doses.

The Rye of the Tiger is like a lot of champions; tough, surly and will put you on your tush in seven rounds (reaching a 7.5% ABV). This is not the only IPA coming out of Great Lakes. The also have the Commodore Perry IPA (available year long) and the Alchemy Double (available February). The Commodore has the same ABV (Alchemy has 9.4%) but what is notable as far as the Rye is concerned is that it has a higher IBU than the others (Rye 92, Alchemy 80, Commodore 70). So if you like your high IBUs you might want to check this mother out (available April).

Would I get this again? Possibly. It was $5 a draft which isn't as cheap as a prom date from Ohio but still not outrageous (unlike a prom date from Ohio). As far as IPAs go its pretty bitter but it wasn't like I cried home to my mommy about. This is a good sipping beer in an air conditioned bar so if you like that keep on it. I'm not a fan of the label. I just have a real phobia with Tigers and Lions on my beers but this one works out pretty well.

Other Great Lakes Beer Reviews
Alchemy Double IPA
Lake Erie Monster IPA
Conways Irish Ale
Commodore Perry IPA
Eliot Ness Lager
Christmas Ale

Drinkability: 7/10
Taste: 8/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 4/10

Overall: 6.25/10

Carlsberg Group's Elephant Lager

The Carlsberg Group was founded in 1847 by my old gym teacher J. Jacobsen. It's based out of Copenhagen and scholars surmise more than half the employees chew Copenhagen. This brewery group is actually really big. They have like 45,000 employees and are growing faster than that rash on your bum (I told you to get it looked at). So Carlsberg had two major logos, the elephant and the swastika. Guess which one stuck. So Jacobsen was like "Hey, I'm gonna science the shit outta this beer" and created departments of physiology and chemistry to aide with the brewing process (nerd alert) and most likely received dozens of "wet willies" in high school.

Carlsberg continued to buy up brewerys in the 90s and through to today by acquiring Tetley, Baltic Beverages, and Okocim. They have so many beers under their control you actually have to scroll down on a computer page to read all of them. Highlights are Elephant, San Miguel, Baltika, Kronenbourg, Okocim and Saxon Beer.

Elephant appear a little blah. The bottle looks pretty cool, low profile but then you see it's only 11.2 ounce which is the biggest joke since Stella Artois. It's like "Hey Dingus, even my dad drinks 12oz beers now; get with the program". The beer has a highly carbonated taste. Light and refreshing and easy to chug, especially considering the 7.2% ABV; the police actually put out an ABV out of this one, breaker breaker. The smell isn't very strong at all. This lager taste a little like Heineken but with a better after taste, plus you don't look like such a douchebag drinking this opposed to Heineken. It's about $9 for a sixer but again, don't be fooled by the 11.2oz bottles.

I'd get this again when like, I wanted to drink a ton of beer and get really messed up. Like I said, its 7.2% ABV but you wouldn't suspect it until you drank like four of them and then stood up and at 11.2oz per bottle, you're gonna be getting up an awful lot.

Drinkability: 7/10

Taste: 6/10

Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 6.5/10