Monday, June 4, 2012

Asia Pacific Brewery's Tiger Pale Lager


Put yourself in this situation if you will. Your minding you own business in Shanghai with a guy named "Slim" and you end up in some bar.  This is specializes in getting you "the wasted".  Now, me being the responsible man that I am, I limit myself to two servings.  Thing is, they sell beer by the dozen.  How awesome is that?  And on the menu? Tiger.

It was trivia night there also; so get this.  Instead of being solely based on knowledge, they took an intermission and gave everyone a free beer from each team and sent us up in the rafters to a chug contest.  Well, I explained that it was safe for me to climb up these old stairs to a mezzanine-esqe shady ass rafters.  So after I went up there, I vowed not to do it again until I had another dozen Tigers.

Bad stuff happens there, man.

Tiger is brewed by Asia Pacific Brewery; real original name.  Tiger is their main beer and dates back to the Ming Dynasty of 1934, the Ming Dynasty obviously led by Joe DeMaggio and other men of the caliber.  I bet Joltin' Joe slammed a buncha these beers back in the day; bitching about the Reds.  The redcoats that is.  Revolutionary War was around that time right?

So this brewery opened her doors in '31 (sorta like your grandma) and was the first local beer to come out of Singapore, or as I call it (as of today) Sing-A-Pour.  It tallies a 5.0% ABV; average.

What isn't average is the taste of this stuff.  Unless you drink a dozen of these suckers you won't approve of the taste.  That being said, if you drink them by the dozen, you will be happy, then real sad.  And if Steve Martin taught me anything I've learned everything is cheaper by the dozen.  So yeah, it starts off regular enough and whatnot, but then you get a catapult of jack crap and staleness down your gullet.  I thought I had Kurt Rambis' dirty sweatsocks in my mouth.

The label you can't beat; cuz it looks awesome.  I always liked tigers because they sorta played second fiddle to the lion in a jungle setting; but I still feel a real upset tiger can beat a lions ass ANY DAY! Remember Bengaled tigers? Did they go extinct?

So the worst thing about this stuff, worse than the taste, is the price.  I mean in China it's practically free; especially by the dozen (Thank you Steve Martin) but here in the old U.S. of A, it was like $5.00 at a bar and/or speakeasy.  I mean you can get a real beer for that much.  And lord knows you don't want just six of these bad boys.  The smell is simple enough but if you are going for a pale lager, you might want to try these.  I will say this: If you are drinking by train tracks or under a bring and you pull one of these guys out, you'll be the hippest bum in town.  And I know a thing of two about hip bums.

Drinkability: 5/10
Taste: 3/10
Value: 3/10
Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 4.75/10

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