Sprecher Brewing Company's Hard Root Beer

This is our first review of a hard root beer. Any hard soda or cola in fact.

Sprecher, primarily known for their soda pops, was founded in 1985 by Randal Sprecher. One "L", what the hell? Nonetheless, he was a brewing supervisor for Pabst in the early part of his career and in 1994 had expanded it's operation to it's current location. They currently have 6 all year round beers, a beer for all four seasons and about a dozen limited, reserve and special beers (the hard root beer and hard ginger beer being two of those). They also make about seven different sodas. They actually have a thing where you can make specialized sodas with different labels if you are trying to impress your middle school sweetie pie.

I am a huge fan out their soda. Their root beer is both gnar and lee so when I saw a hard root beer from these soda jerks I was like "Shit paw, I wanna git me somma this!" I think that was actually what came out of my mouth. So I picked up a four pack for $5 at the local party store so I was like, I'm getting two drinks for the price of one and I love root beer.

So, you can imagine my disappointment when the hard root beer was about 334% worse than their regular root beer. It's almost like Randy said to this root beer guy "Forget everything you know about root beer and make this hard root beer". I haven't been this disappointed since I found out my prom date was related to me. Not that it stopped anything ;). Family reunions got a little more awkward. So yeah, it is labeled a "Fire Brewed" hard root beer and I'm fairly certain that is the only problem with this beer. Who wants a fire brewed anything?!? It's aged in bourbon barrel for a fortnight or ten and yields a 5% ABV. I mean, you can tell at first sniff that this is going to have an oaky taste, okay? I mean who the hell wants an oaky root beer? Dumbos; that's who. I mean no one, and I mean no one, gets a hard root beer when it doesn't taste like root beer. Use your head dummies. You take two good things, beer and root beer, and make something that doesn't taste like either. You got rocks for brains!?! There are plenty of hard root beers out there and I thought a gourmet root beer giant would have killed this execution. Oh, it kills...my childlike demeanor.

Never, ever in my life have I seen such a poor execution.of two good things. That's like taking tacos and pizza and making some sort of bad taco pizza, which is seemingly impossible. Because it is! Boobs and sleep? I don't know how you combine those two things but it's gotta be good.

I will say this, I have hope. And if I see Randy come out with a non fire-brewed hard root beer I WILL buy it and I promise everyone ever in the world, if that stinks, I will never ever buy any Sprecher's product ever. Not even their soda pops.

If you are looking for a hard root beer try Small Town Brewery's "Not Your Father's Root Beer" or better yet, do a shot of Fireball and sip on Frostie or some non-alcoholic root beer because I have yet to find a hard root beer that satisfies all my alcohol and soda pop needs.

Drinkability: 5/10
Taste: 3/10
Value: 5/10
Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 4.75/10

Bell's Brewery's Midwestern Pale Ale

Crank this if your are cool.

This is another beer out of Bell's Brewery; their Midwestern Pale Ale. If you went braindead since the initial review of Bell's which is chuck-full of facts about the place click over here. There actually isn't many facts in there and I think some of that is dated, but who cares (half the shit we say isn't right anyways).

So their is Bell's take on the pale ale which has many of the same characteristics of pale ales which means they know what their doing. Shit is as smooth as an Asian drag queen's stomach after going down a Nair slip-n-slide. Now that we have that image stuck in your head; let's continue.

It's got a light tan head and the beer itself is a cloud golden hue. It has a slight sediment to it and medium carbonation. It has a wheaty aroma with strong malt scents that are confirmed at first sip. What separates this from most pale ales is the full bodied flavor. It encompasses your mouth leaving a trail of hop and bitterness that is not realized upon initial oral contact, which is one of my top ten favorite contacts. This is not to be mistaken with oral contract; one of my least favorite contractions.

It's got a booze value of 5.2% ABV so it's strong than your typical beer but a little lower than some pale ales out there. What it lacks in crazy juice it makes up for in flavor. A sixer of this will run you better than $10 but if your friends are as cool as mine, you can con them out of a couple when they bring them over for a visit.

The bottle itself has got the whole barnyard look to it which I like because I was on a total Garfield and Friends kick a while back. And I know Roy was a jerk in that but he was still the best character.

Bell's for the most part makes a rad beer and this is no different. It's heavier than your Sierra Nevada and your Coors Cutter but this is great for kicking back and taking 'er easy. If you are doing a sack race in the near future I might hold off on these until after the finals. If no sack races are in your future; drink up!

Drinkability: 7/10
Taste: 8/10
Value: 5/10
Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 6.5/10

Arcadia Ales' Nut Brown Ale

You like arcades? Crank it and yank it sea turtles!

So I should start by saying I picked up a twelve pack of a Arcadia sampler a little bit ago and if I'm too lazy to review a beer I'll leave one of each and drink the rest and I could have sworn I reviewed something from Arcadia before, however, I did not.

Arcadia spawned in 1996 marketing themselves as a British style microbrewery which I can only assume they focus on the bitter. They use English malts, hops from out west and blah, blah, blah. There isn't a ton of information about these guys. The staff consists of a handful of folks, some taken from Victory, that are native to the midwest and New York state. They have operations Battle Creek and Kalamazoo. That might sound familiar because I'm pretty sure Bell's has operations in both cities.

First and foremost, I've sampled three of their beers, other two to follow, and I can put it as simple as this: I was wholeheartedly unimpressed. My favorite part about this beer is that I picked up a 12 bottle sampler at Walgreens for like $14 where everything else was in excess of $18. Can you taste the savings? Unfortunately, yes. Even by "English Beer" standards (which I do not give full credit to English-style beer) this is poor to near-poor. Just simple things bore me about this brewery. First of all their website is as sterile as my milkman-trusting father. Their homepage consists of a handful of people that look like corporate managers on an outing because after tasting their beer, that is the only way you are going to get people in that place; drag them in there on a corporate retreat planned by someone who clearly doesn't know shit about beer.

I will say this. The nut brown is my favorite of the three and is mildly palatable. It's 6% ABV so if you do have the misfortune of picking this up by mistake, your taste buds will be numbs after about 5 and they will all go down as fast Michael Sam's career. I SAID CAREER! The label is okay but the glue job (now I'm getting picky) just flat out sucks and their Gaelic style fonts on their neck label is boring and un-original. Would I be this picky if I liked the beer? Probably not.

So...anyway. The beer is dark with a slightly tan, shallow head which is not atypical for an English style nut brown. It leaves a bitter aftertaste which sour undertones. It has a sweet, nutty scent however I would say the taste is far from nutty, unless you mean the Nutty Professor in which case I agree because it tastes like the worst shit Eddie Murphy had ever done. Too far? Probably.

So my evaluation? I would never, ever get this again or anything by Arcadia. But that's just me. Some people may love this shit. So...this is when I would buy it if I were you. It's 4 A.M. in Chicago and somehow you got a girl (or guy) to go back you your place to listen to your friend's bullshit EP because you fancy yourself as a music snob. Wait. It'd have to be before 4 A.M. Regardless, its late. And you and your new "friend" are already pretty lit. Well, you are aware they are not going to be impressed if you pick up a rack of PBR (or maybe they would) on the way home. So you pick up something cheap and strong and not part of the mainstream beer list. After you've been drinking all night you probably won't care (and they won't either) what it tastes like and they're gonna be all like "This guy's getting a microbeer, how faaannccyy".

Long story short. You can buy this when no one can taste shit and you're trying to impress drunk people who don't know any better". I see a new slogan in their future.

Drinkability: 4/10
Taste: 4/10
Value: 4/10
Curb Appeal: 5/10

Overall: 4.25/10

Ale Syndicate Brewers' Sunday Session

Crank the ever living shit out of this while you're at it you hipster scumbag!

Reviewing a "Sunday session" beer on a Saturday?!? Someone call the KGB!

This is our first review of Ale Syndicate so let's go down memory trail to...last month. In July 2014 they got their own fermentation tanks and got their own brewery in Chi-Town; on Diversity if you are in the know. Their team is made from a hodge-podge of dudes associated with Lucky Hand brewery, microbiology, and general midwest nerds/Chicago aficionados.The founders started with home brewing (no shit) kickin' it old school in Oakland. They eventually moved to Chicago and partnered up with some local brewers in Chicago before they got their own space, brewing purveyance for young and old. They went to town in February of 2014 offering their first 3 commercially available beers; Municipal IPA, Sunday Session Hopped-Up Ale and Van de Velde Belgo-American Ale along with a magnum of Omega Midnight stout. They now offer an additional beer, a saison entitled Du Sable. So if you are in the Logan Square area...don't stop in. They currently aren't accepting visitors but will probably still entertain break-ins until the cops roll in.

So this is their Sunday Session Ale. A 4.8% ABV ale; clear and highly carbonated. It's a light, mildly hoppy beer. Medium head and clean, white head. Whitehead? It has a dry scent. Not overwhelming in the slightest. It tastes light with a dry, bitter aftertaste with floral undertones. Not much of a lingering flavor. At an IBU level we're talking 23; which is relativity low. Considering they market this as a "hopped-up" ale you might feel let down if you are looking for a hoppy ale. I suppose an argument may be that for a beer this light it has a hoppier taste than some ales; but only in contrast to the low maltiness of it all.

I appreciate the no-nonsense label and the "nutrition fact-esque" beer description on the labels. It's only available in Illinois so if you are looking to try their shit out you better get your ass to Chicago. This isn't a bad beer. Their isn't too much to say about it other than its light, dry and you could probably polish off a million of them in one sitting. I got it for free when a pal brought over a sixer. He probably paid over ten bones for a sixer though.

Drinkability: 8/10
Taste: 6/10
Value: 4/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 6.5/10

Stone Brewing Co. - IPA

See our review of Stone Pale Ale here.

With our second Stone review, and embarrassing that this is only the second, I blame myself, is Stone IPA. Stone does some great stuff with hoppy beers and this one doesn't disappoint. If you find yourself at a local watering hole and are looking for a safe IPA I'd go with this. I've drank a lot of IPA's in my day and this gem is one of the most balanced you will find for the style. Pours a nice hazy golden orange, with not much head, but plenty of carbonation, very light malt character with a punch of citrusy and piny bitterness. Classic west coast IPA style like a lot of their other offerings.

Coming in at 6.9% ABV and 77 IBU's, this guy surprisingly flies down the throat faster than a sorority girl manning an 8 tube beer bong. Great for a tailgate where you don't care for the concert, or a few before a blind date would make anyone interesting.

Other breweries need to take notes on Stone's presentation. I'm sure the silk screened bottles cost more to manufacture, but damn, do they look nice!

Drinkability: 8/10

Taste: 9/10

Value: 7/10
Curb Appeal: 8/10

Overall: 8/10

Sierra Nevada Brewing Company's Celebration Fresh Hop IPA

Whether you want to get your crunk on or merely cyberchat with a couple of teenage babes from Milwaukee; you should crack one of these babies and crank the crap out of this.

Remember four and twenty years ago we reviewed Sierra Nevada for the first time and totally talked about the history of the brewery? Well, if "no" then click here to learn a little more about the brewery.

This is Sierra Nevada's Celebration FHIPA. It's a FHIPA due to its "fresh" hops (fresh as Will Smith's career) and IPA as crap. How "crap", may you ask? 65 IBU IPA MF. That's along the lines of Founder's Centennial if you are in "the know". If you aren't Kool and the Gang then I'll say this "It's relatively bitter". It's 6.8% ABV so you can't slug this like "Sweet" Lou Whittaker slugged tons of homers in 1987. But it has a crisp taste flood with hops tickling the outside of your tongue; leaving a bitter, dryness to the back of your throat. It has a hint of citrus and pine which it totallllllly normal for an IPA.

It has a reddish/brown hue and a cloudy appearance like many IPA before him. That being said, they starting brewing this junk in 1981, the same year Candy Maldonado debuted for the Dodgers.

I got the five finger discount on this beer which mean my buddy left it over here during a visit. I feel like I earned it for being such a good friend and I'm totally going to drink the crap out of them. You can probably get a six pack for about $9 at your local party store. It's packs the punch of about 10 beers so you are getting your money's worth. Oh you gunna git yo money.

I've had this before and it never really disappoints. I usually veer away from breweries this big that sell expensive beer and I guess that's on me because this is a tasty beverage. Clearly I'd prefer to stick with a smaller microbrewery that might be a little more under the radar but the truth is that Sierra Nevada makes a heck of a beer and I like the beer and them. I will get their stuff when selection is low and I want to treat myself, and trust me, I've drank plenty of Sierra Nevada in my day but they don't bring all the girls to the yard like midwest microbreweries...what was I saying? I'd buy this.

Drinkability: 8/10
Taste: 8/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 7.00/10

Victory Brewing Company's Summer Ale

Dust of your 45's and load the stereo with this jam and let the horny details fly!

What the heck do you mean we haven't review Victory yet?

This all started with Ron and Bill (two total dudes) experimented with a brew kit in 1985 after, no doubt, watching Thundercats. This passion led them to abandon the crappy world we know as "work life" and pursue their dreams of beer making; bastards. Ron did a stint at Baltimore Brewing Company (BBC) and after a year studied a broad (or two) in Germany. Bill covered him at BBC. Ron came back to work for Old Dominion. After some time they opened Victory in 1996. They now crank out over 100,000 barrels annually and kick ass on a regular basis. Quick math, that's a barrel for each square foot of their facility.

The have 12 regular brews and another dozen seasonals they push out in Downington, Pennsylvania. Also, interesting fact: Victory is one of the only breweries that uses whole flower hops and if I know our audience like I think I do; zero people care.

This is Victory's Summer Love. Is got a mild, citrus scent. It compliments the taste which is a light, refreshing flavor. It has strong citrus hints with a slight wheat undertone. Almost like if a pilsner humped and IPA and got a little fresh with a lager while a pale ale watched quietly from the closet and was like "Oh yeah, I like this" but ended leaving the party alone and the next day everyone was like "What was with pale ale last night?" and was thus labelled a creep for the rest of high school.

They use German 2-Row malts and three different hops; Tettnang, Simoe and Citra. All yields a very clean drink.

Highly carbonated and a clear, golden color. Medium, crystal white head. By looks alone even you girlfriend could polish off a six pack of these and flip the bird to a cop and run to safety. She'd be pretty wasted unless her college nickname was "Betty the Deuce" cuz these have an ABV of 5.2%. Not too strong but I am pretty sure that men have 2 pints more blood in their bodies than women which is a leading reason babes get way drunker than dudes. Men probably also retain more water unless you count the fluids in my ex-girlfriend's cankles.

Overall this is a fine purveyance. It won't keep you too warm tailgating but a fun crushable in the hot summer nights. I recommend crushing like 10 before necking with your ladyfriend under the boardwalk. These sons-of-bitches run about $11 for a sixer and your local party store. Do yourself a flavor favor and pick up some before the summer's over.

The label isn't anything to brag about but it got babes, hot dogs, ice cream, fish, tents...I mean these are a few of my favorite things. There's nothing not to like about this beer and I'd totally get it again.

Drinkability: 8/10
Taste: 8/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 7.25/10