New Belgium Brewery Company's Abbey Belgian Style Ale

Behold! Crank thou this and let's get along with the damn review; shall we?

First of all, if you didn't click that link, you've missed the best part of this review. It's also distracting as shit when you are trying to write a beer review.

So this is a Belgian from New Belgium; makes sense right? This is one of their only year long Belgian available (Trippel); they have some released in the spring. We initially reviewed New Belgium here so go over there if you wanna get down with some knowledge. If not, that's cool and just read on.

This stuff has a nice amber color to it and is cleaner than Colombian cocaine. You get some serious oak tree effect on this mother and is complimented with a wicked ass tan head. A woman told me that the oak tree effect also means the glasses are clean but a woman did tell me that and how much can you trust them? Plus I don't think i was my glasses that well so I'm pleasantly impressed with my dish washing. Ladies, eat your heart out!

It has a sweet, chocolatey scent with hints of fruit.At first sip, it has a smooth, malty consistency mixed with a dry finish. It tickles your foliate papillae with a tart and leaves a oak, malty finish on your filiform papillae; so your tongue is going pretty bonkers. They use a handful of malts. Specifically, Pale, Chocolate, Carapils, C-80 and Munich. Mix that with the typical Belgian hops Willamette, Target and Liberty and Belgian yeast and you got this stuff; it isn't rocket science Poindexter.

So let's talk about your pocketbook Scrooge McDuck. This jazz has an ABV of seven which is nothing to scoff at. I picked up a variety pack for $14.99 for 12 so you'd have to be a total Bozo to pass that up.

There is some bad news about this beer and I was sort of waiting until the end to bring it up. This stuff, Abbey, isn't really that good. Will it do the trick? Sure. The thing is, is that this tastes more like a porter than a Belgian. I mean this works for me because I don't like Belgians (not counting the people). But most Belgians have an almost vinegar consistency. If I was blindfolded and beaten with a pillowcase filled with bars of soap I couldn't tell the difference.

This beer, overall, is okay. If you are looking for a Belgian I would suggest passing this up. It compliments the variety pack well just because it isn't like the rest of the stuff in there. The only thing Belgian about it is the after taste; but maybe that's what it's supposed to do. I wouldn't even consider buying a sixer of this but what the hell do I know?

Drinkability: 5/10
Taste: 4/10
Value: 7/10
Curb Appeal: 4/10

Overall: 5.0/10

Lakefront Brewery's India Pale Ale

Of all the lazy! These guys didn't even come up with a clever name or nothing for this. They didn't name it after their dogs growing up or some inside joke that we'd never understand or care about; just "IPA". Real cool slackers.

So you might as well jack this shit hard cuz that's about all the excitement you gonna get!

This is yet another beer from Milwaukee's Lakefront Brewery. We initially reviewed them here so if you want to get your learn on, by all means. If you don't want to then don't. I mean they're from Milwaukee; do you need to know anything else, you turkey?

This beer is real cloudy with an orange hue; looks more like a hefeweissen than an IPA but certainly doesn't taste like a hefeweissen. The label is "eh". There's a "more than creepy" eyeball judging while you drink. It's like your dad staring at you saying "you really need another one, son?" and then you just get more nervous and end up drinking even more. They roll deep at a 6.6% ABV (which isn't "your dad's beer") and after six of them you start seeing three eyes.

This beer is in their normal line-up but I got it as part of their variety pack. 12 beers for $20.99 (plus tax). It isn't a "steal of the week" but for as much I want to get in bed with Lakefront, I knew I wouldn't be disappointed. And, baby, I ain't disappointed.

They use two main types of hops for this 42 IBU wonder, Cascade and Chinook (with a dash of citrus hops to reduce your chances of scurvy & some Zeus for all the Greeks out there). The most noticeable thing you will notice is that this is a far maltier IPA than most. The use 2-row and a couple caramel malts which will just about do the trick there.  It has a subtle hop flavor and a dry finish so it should appease most crowds as long as they don't mind hops. It's full bodied so don't get on the parallel bars after crushing 12 of these or you'll totally ralph all over everyone.

It has a blase aroma; mild citrus and hoppy undertones. It's deceiving that such a full bodied tasty beer has a relatively insignificant scent. The good news is that if you are all hopped up on juice boxes and black tar heroin you won't even care (or if you are dead sober).

This is a great beer for any hops aficionado or someone who is just trying to stay warm in the winter with a thick, malty beer. If you see this I highly suggest you give it a crack. It isn't as floral as some IPAs and is a great beer if you are 1 or 101. It's a shame they clearly fired their marketing director when this beer came online because this star should shine like Elijah Wood's eye after I run into him in a dark alley after a long of of tacking on 10 of this dirty bastards. I can't remember why I don't like that guy but I'm sure I have some reason.

Drinkability: 7/10
Taste: 9/10
Value: 4/10
Curb Appeal: 4/10

Overall: 6.0/10