Breckenridge Brewery's Vanilla Porter

Breckenridge is back again.

Actually, this is our first review of Breckenridge Brewery. I feel I've drinken (drunk? drank?) a zillion of their beers in my old age and it's only now that I review it? Well, quite frankly, I'm more surprised than you.

So Breckenridge started up in Colorado by a knightly man, Dick Squire; which coincidentally has the same name as the coolest guitar I've ever heard of. Picture this, some dude started a brewery in 1990 in Breckenridge. Not a glamorous story but probably the most factual thing you'll read on here. It expanded in '92 and 24 years later can be found in over half the states in America and are at a 62,000 barrel a year capacity. And that's good enough to get the attention of Anheuser and his friend, Busch, who recently purchased the micro (turned macro brew). I hate those guys. Don't have a reason but I suppose that unfortunately makes me a bigot and, let's face it, after a couple of these, that won't bother me any more.

Moving on. They make 28 beers over there (until A-B moves them to NYC; home of the worst worst salsa). Six of these beers are around all year round and the rest, believe it or not, aren't. Go figure. This beer, the Vanilla Porter, IS available all year. When it comes to beers, Vanilla Porter are as unique as a philly cheesesteak truck in the City of Brotherly Love. That means they are a dime a dozen but that no reason to not like them. Who likes unique beers beer anyway? Not A-B!

This beer is darker than Darth Vader's doodie hole in a cavern in on Pluto and smells twice as nice. It's also got a tan, thick head (like my ex-wife). The scent (other than the Pluto thing) is a chocolatey, sweet aroma. The taste is a thick, full bodied flavor, with strong chocolate and nutty undertone. The 5.0% ABV printed on the label contradicts the website's 5.4% proclamation. It's a proclamation abomination! I trust anything I find on a bottle (or at the bottom of) so I'm sticking with 5.0 unless Dick Squire's ghost shows up and tell me different. Also, I think he's still alive.

Well, let's face it, Breckenridge has sold itself to A-B so it's stock is going to drop faster than Beiber's drawers at a Hunger Games premiere. If you hang out at a local gathering looking for mad props from the honeys and homies rollin' up hard and strong with a sixer of this (which you can get for a 10 spot) bitches be like, "whaa" and the homies, well friend, you tell me what the homies say. Hint: they don't "play" that.

Drinkability: 7/10
Taste: 8/10
Value: 6/10
Curb Appeal: 5/10

Overall: 6.5/10

New Belgium Brewery Company's Abbey Belgian Style Ale

Behold! Crank thou this and let's get along with the damn review; shall we?

First of all, if you didn't click that link, you've missed the best part of this review. It's also distracting as shit when you are trying to write a beer review.

So this is a Belgian from New Belgium; makes sense right? This is one of their only year long Belgian available (Trippel); they have some released in the spring. We initially reviewed New Belgium here so go over there if you wanna get down with some knowledge. If not, that's cool and just read on.

This stuff has a nice amber color to it and is cleaner than Colombian cocaine. You get some serious oak tree effect on this mother and is complimented with a wicked ass tan head. A woman told me that the oak tree effect also means the glasses are clean but a woman did tell me that and how much can you trust them? Plus I don't think i was my glasses that well so I'm pleasantly impressed with my dish washing. Ladies, eat your heart out!

It has a sweet, chocolatey scent with hints of fruit.At first sip, it has a smooth, malty consistency mixed with a dry finish. It tickles your foliate papillae with a tart and leaves a oak, malty finish on your filiform papillae; so your tongue is going pretty bonkers. They use a handful of malts. Specifically, Pale, Chocolate, Carapils, C-80 and Munich. Mix that with the typical Belgian hops Willamette, Target and Liberty and Belgian yeast and you got this stuff; it isn't rocket science Poindexter.

So let's talk about your pocketbook Scrooge McDuck. This jazz has an ABV of seven which is nothing to scoff at. I picked up a variety pack for $14.99 for 12 so you'd have to be a total Bozo to pass that up.

There is some bad news about this beer and I was sort of waiting until the end to bring it up. This stuff, Abbey, isn't really that good. Will it do the trick? Sure. The thing is, is that this tastes more like a porter than a Belgian. I mean this works for me because I don't like Belgians (not counting the people). But most Belgians have an almost vinegar consistency. If I was blindfolded and beaten with a pillowcase filled with bars of soap I couldn't tell the difference.

This beer, overall, is okay. If you are looking for a Belgian I would suggest passing this up. It compliments the variety pack well just because it isn't like the rest of the stuff in there. The only thing Belgian about it is the after taste; but maybe that's what it's supposed to do. I wouldn't even consider buying a sixer of this but what the hell do I know?

Drinkability: 5/10
Taste: 4/10
Value: 7/10
Curb Appeal: 4/10

Overall: 5.0/10

Left Hand Brewery's Good Juju Ginger Ale

I said Ginger Ale; but this isn't "Ginger Ale" if you know what I mean. Maybe it'll all make sense after cranking this shit up to the max.

So this is another review from our pals at Left Hand. You might remember our initial review right here. Then again, you might not. But if you wanna know some jack about em, click on that link and it'll give ya the low down. I should add, the same turkey who designed Sawtooth designed this label.

Who like ginger? I'll tell you know doesn't; me. So I will try and give my unbiased opinion on this; ginger aside. I mean if you like ginger, this is probably for you, though I couldn't imagine that people are like "bro, gimme something that gets me drunk...but can you make it taste like ginger for shuck's sake?"

"That stuff...makes pure mescaline seem like...ginger beer, man" loops in my head as I drink this I should also mention.

So let's start with the label, shall we? I've seen worse.  It's very Ed Hardy-ish which is a big negative. If no one else makes that correlate you don't have to feel self conscious about holding it. If you are like me, you'll prefer it in a glass. Skullish with lizards and salamanders in the eye sockets. I dunno. It's not my steeze. Dead fish and bats? I mean, as a growned up, I like a simpler, subtle label. So they aren't winning me over there.

It's as clean as the driven snow in looks and taste. It's crisp and refreshing, so it's a good lawnmowing beer. It's not decent bubble action throughout and like a white head when pouring which vanishes after about 10 seconds after pouring (see picture above). What I like about this is, it's so light that you can easily crush a ton of these at a sitting and make a royal ass out of yourself from anywhere from funerals to a classy wedding brunch. But at a ABV of 4.5% you'll need to crush the healthier portion of a 12 pack to get your gnar on.

The scent is way more ginger than the flavor, so don't be too deterred at first sniff. Malty would be the biggest over exaggeration in beer history. This stuff has less malt than an empty box of Whoppers. Do they still come in those milk cartons? I'd destroy one of those bastards.

Would I ever get this again? Hells No. If it was part of a variety pack, would this be the last beer I grab? Hells Yes. Like I said earlier, I'm not a ginger guy. It's an interesting beer and if you like ginger I'd check out out. It's light and crisp and great for the summer. Left Hand makes great beers but I tend to lean towards their stouts rather than their light beers.

I wouldn't say "swing and a miss" but this is something better to order a pint at a bar and say "that's interesting" and move on your way in my opinion. At $11 a sixer, there are worse things to waste your money on.

Drinkability: 8.0/10
Taste: 4.0/10
Value: 5.0/10
Curb Appeal: 3.0/10

Overall: 5.0