Duvel Moortgat Brewery's Duvel Belgian Golden Ale

Crank it whens youse dranks it.

This is a review of Duvel Moortgat Brewery's Duvel Belgian Golden Ale or as the lazy man calls it "Duvel". Founded in '71 (1871), these guys teamed up with Tuborg which, after some research, is not an Orc from Lord of the Rings (or Uruk-Hai). Long story short, messy divorce and in 1999 they really started pushing Duvel (one of their beers) which is probably why your old granddad wasn't drinking it. They have a couple of beers other than their flagship "Duvel". They got Duvel Tripel Hop, Maredsous (a line of abbey-style beers). and some wheat beers and pilsners that you will probably never see. Really, unless you're more snob than slob, this will be the only offering you'll see from these guys. They were the principal investor in Ommegang which you've probably picked up at the store, and quickly placed back down after seeing the price before picking up a rack of Old Style Light. They ended up buying Ommegang. They also partnered up with Firestone Walker which is a common name with my California friends. They also bought the majority stake of Boulevard from Kansas City, which makes Duvel sound more like a "Bully-vard".

Well let's talk about the taste why don't we? You like spring water? Check. How about a subtle bitterness? Oh yeah. Dry finish? Like a post-menopausal housewife. You might find this beer is a little more bitter than you are used to. Well, you might be doing it wrong. Leave 1000 microns of beer at the bottom because you don't wanna suck down all the dang yeast!

It has a cloudy, golden hue topped with a relatively high, frothy head. They pull the old 330mL trick in traditional bullshit European style. Add that with the centimeter of beer you are supposed to leave in the bottle and you got about 3oz of drinkable beer. Good thing this sucker is 8.6% ABV and my buddy left this over from our Christmas party so the price is right and it can take paint off of your car.

It has a dry, floral scent that is as refreshing as a spring morning or some freshly laundered underpants. The bottle itself is pretty tight. Short and stout (like a few teapots I know) and a no-nonsense label that will make the babymamas say "Who dat man over there, he must be rich". Yeah, you'll be rich, yeah. And the bottle is so thick your drunk friend will knock himself out before it would break over his skull. So if you have a friend that like to break bottles over his head, have him try this. Especially if he like to run his mouth about his ex-girlfriend a lot when he's drunk.

Drinkability: 7/10
Taste: 6/10
Value: 4/10
Curb Appeal: 8/10
Swayze Movie: "Tiger Warsaw"
Overall: 6.25/10

Brouwerij Palm - Palm Speciale

Please rock out to this while reading...

So Palm was a new beer on tap at my local bar, and I'm always a sucker for a beer that comes in the appropriate glass, so I went for it.

Palm is a Belgium beer and they brew in four different locations across Belgium. The website doesn't give much info on them at all, pretty secretive. I don't know what they are trying to hide, because this bad boy is pretty bland. I feel most Belgium's are more complex but I guess some sway from the norm.

The taste is a little flat, and a two finger head that fell immediately, but the visual is crystal clear amber. The smell is malty, grainy, and a little metallic, but ended with a skunky old attic smell. First taste was watery and not much flavor. Second taste was the same, and didn't change throughout.

They market this as "A great alternative to traditional pilsners and lagers for the beer drinker looking for something a little different". I say is tastes like a watered down Yuengling, with a bad smell.

All in all, I say pass this up, its only 5.4 ABV, so its not breaking any records, and $5 for a glass is a rip.

Drinkability: 4/10
Taste: 3/10
Value: 2/10
Curb Appeal: 3/10

Overall: 3/10

Bavik Brewery's Wittekerke Blonde Ale

As many of you already know I am a huge fan of "Sweet Lou" Whitaker and this is about as close you Belgians get! Picture this as a hybrid of Lou Whitaker and Kirk Gibson.  As Pat Sajak would say "Sweet Lou" Whita-Kirk.

So beers of less than 12 ounces appeal to me almost as much as beers in excess of 12 ounces so when my buddy said we should drink this in a bar that I presume used to be an opium den how could I refuse?

So Bavik brewery was started in 1894 by a real class act in Belgium and was just a local beer locals would find at the local brothels and shit. Then like, in 1950 they started exporting their stuff around; they figured they could sell it.  So they sold it and made some cash.  Few decades after that, you got a fourth generation Belgian making a little 11.2 oz beer.

Here's the thing about these lil guys.  Like most blondes, they go down FAST! So before you know it, you might be a few shades to the wind cuz you slammed like 4 in a row to impress some old biker chick at the end of the bar...she looked at you like you were a big sissy.  And at five bucks a pop, you can't be slamming these for too long before you get kicked out for stiffing them on your tab.  They are 5.0% ABV so they aren't like, mind erasers.  I feel these would be a hit at BBQs cuz you can slam them and they wouldn't get warm in time.  Plus people like funny things at BBQs so who would like a little baby beer that you can sing to sleep.  Cuz in your dreams nothin' can hurt ya.

It's a pretty dry taste, it makes you want to slam em even more.  Like, it's refreshing, but by the time you finish your chug you are thirsty again.  I'd consider mowing a lawn to this.  Riding mower though, unless some hot babe in a bikini was around to give me a new one after every lap around the field.  I also feel these are ideal for softball games because you can chug em in between innings pretty well.

I never actually got to see these beers cuz I was drinking out of the can like a real patriot.  And I couldn't sacrifice not looking tough in front of that biker chick.  So needless you say, I didn't take any obnoxious sniffs and look like a real piece of shit.  I only do that at home.

Would I get it again? Most likely.  It has a nice crisp taste and looks pretty rad.  Not cost effective whatsoever but that's the price you gotta pay to look cool.


Drinkability: 8/10
Taste: 8/10
Value: 2/10
Curb Appeal: 7/10

Overall: 6.25/10