Grupo Modelo's Especial Lager

The only thing special about this beer is how common it is! POW!!! I mean not in a bad way,; you can just buy it anywhere. Grocery Stores, Liquor stores....some of the classier gas stations. I mean it's the third most imported beer in the US. Which means if you never seen this before you're either:

A.) Blind as a bat

B.) Ukrainian

I like Modelo because of their marketing strategy: "We're not Tecate, we're a good one." Modelo pretty much kept it at that and I'll always consider it when buying a beer; like tonight for instance. I love 24 ounce beers because they are great for the work week. Like, tonight, I don't wanna drink more than one beer but want a lot of beer. And Modelo is great for chugging. Kids agree; it's the tops! So it's from Mexico, big whoop! I don't drink your water; why would I drink your beer? Because it's good; that's why, you ding-dong! I got that baby for like $3.50 at the grocery store, which sounds kind of high but, man, they had some double deuces well over 10 greenbacks! So I went with this because, shucks, I can review it. It's only 4.4% ABV so if you wanna get a little buzz, give it the old "college try" and chug that bastard!

So you can see the color; no big surprise it's golden, like Goldilocks' hair. It taste like a wheaty, light beer. I mean at that ABV you can slam these babies down, hard! I'm talking like 12 is a walk in the park, like you're still eating pizza and thinking about 7-11 for maybe a little ice cream treat. I mean you earned a treat, you had a good day. Just top it off with those Ice Cream Twix they have in their freezer. They just got them in. They used to carry the strawberry shortcake shit that you never liked in the first place. Good riddens to that! And scale a fence. This is a great beer to be drinking if you are going to do a lot of illegal shit, because you can run from the cops or Michele Albanese's mom. If only we could have afforded Modelo instead of Beast Ice.

In conclusion...this is a very satisfactory beer. I still drink it as a treat when I typically treat myself to an Old Style or PBR pounders.

Drinkability: 9/10

Taste: 6/10

Value: 5/10
Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 6.5/10

Corona Extra

Corona Extra is a party beer. You drink it on the beach when you want to have a good time. Or you drink it on an airplane with your wife and 3 month old son, like I did. Either way, it tastes like shit.

Corona Extra is brewed by Grupo Modelo SA de CV and was founded in 1925 as the sister beer of Cerveza Modelo. It was originally brewed by these three fellas, but went on to become the best selling beer in Mexico by 1935, which was pretty easy to do because the other option was Montezuma's Revenge infested water. In 1940, Corona did away with the paper label and started printing directly on the bottle, leaving people drinking Coronas in awkward or boring conversations nothing to peel away or pick at on the bottle. Thanks a lot, muchachos. In 1964, Corona started selling the "family size" pack, promoted as a brand that reinforces family values. We gringos started to enjoy Corona in 1970, 55 years after its founding (thats 55 years too soon by my count). An even better day for Americans and Mexicans alike came in 1989 when Corona Light was introduced (I'd rather have my ass bitten by a chupacabra - goat sucker!!!!). In 2009, Corona was voted favorite beer by over 2.5 million people on Facebook, simultaneously destroying the credibility of Facebook and calling into doubt the nationality of Mark Zuckerberg.

I think Mexico has produced some great things - the taco, the enchilada, the quesadilla, the burrito, the pinata, tequila, and Real World Cancun (I saw a random episode where the tattoo-ed fella spit in the one chick's tacos at 3am before he gave them to her to eat. CLASSY). But Mexico has also given us lots of bad things, including the drug cartels, Tijuana, Americans scared of visiting Mexico for fear of getting abducted and beheaded, and Corona. Yes, Corona goes into the bad category. I'm not sure which group the chupacabra fits into. 

Corona is a very very very light beer, so you can drink them all dia and all noche long. The problem with it is that is tastes like ass, carbonated prickly biting ass. You've all had Corona before, but I think there is a reason they put the lime in it - no, it's not to make yourself look like a dick trying to squeeze a too-big piece of lime into a too-small bottle neck, and then the lime gets squeezed and you get lime juice all over your hand, then you have to apologize to whoever you were talking to while you go get a napkin or go wash your hands, and while you are gone the person you were talking to leaves while thinking "what a dick" - actually, I think you add the lime because Corona tastes horrible on its own. They should sell 6 packs with a couple of limes taped to the side of the box (but if they were grown in Mexico, beware of fecal matter, so wash thoroughly). Even if they did, I still wouldn't buy it. It usually goes for about $12-13 a 12-pack, depending on where and when you buy it (Cinco de Drinko!). They also sell Corona in pony bottles, which is a horrible deal, although you do have to drink less of the Corona, so I guess that is a good thing. I got this one on a Southwest Airlines flight using a drink coupon, but otherwise it would have cost $5. My other choices were Heineken, Bud Light, Miller Light, and Michelob Ultra, so I hope you can see why I picked this poor son-of-a-bitch of a beer. It's easy to drink that's why! Corona Extra has an average 4.6% ABV.

In the realm of shitty, light, over-advertised beers, Corona is near the bottom of the dirty, stank-infused, nasty tasting pile. Leave it be, unless you are at a beach party and want to fit in with all of the attractive 20-somethings that are having fun like the advertisements show. Then, I guess its bottoms up! Ole, ole ole oleeeee, ole, ole ole oleeeeeeeeee!

Drinkability: 8/10

Taste: 4/10

Value: 5/10

Curb Appeal: 2/10

Overall: 4.75/10