Murphy Brewery's Red Ale

Jamming this to this review wouldn't be the worst mistake you ever made in your pointless life.

But cheer up buttercup; this is the review for Murphy's Red Ale. Some of the more handsome beer reviewers on this site grew up with cries of praise to this amber beacon of flavor. So what the hell is the problem? Well, let us start at the start.

1856. Cork, Ireland. The show called "Murphy's Brewery" blooms. James Murphy and his brothers found the brewery; which they have been puttering around in a few years earlier; dabbling in the art known as brewing booze. It only took them five years to get noticed from some of the most notable boozehounds in Ireland (aka everyone). Over the course of the new handful of decades James did a lot of shit, bailed out a few banks, crushed some hoes; typical shit.

At the turn of the century the brewery continued to thrive. A vat of booze exploded in 1913 causing over 20,000 gallons of beer to flood the street, causing brewery workers to swim to safety in the shit they loved so much; Scrooge McDuck style. So while all this fun was happening, America was like "What the fudge, dawg?" and it wasn't until 1979 Murphy's learned their manners and let America enjoy their booze. Six years later they made their mothers proud and shared with everyone. They really only have two beers, their stout and red ale (also referred to as Irish Red) and their red is only exported. So if you are looking for it in Ye Olde Ireland, tough shit!

So what do we got here? A nice light, amber color. Clear as Daniel Radcliffe's homosexuality; not that there's anything wrong with that. It has an off white head that is surprisingly thick and malty.

It has a sweet scent to it with hint of caramel. It's got earthy undertones with a bold sweetness to it.

It doesn't take a genius to come up with this next conclusion but this beer is not meant to drink in a bottle. You got (GOT) to pour it in a glass. It makes it taste at least a million times better. At first sip, it might not taste like much but after a few sloshes in your mouth it really shows its shit. It'll coat your mouth with a thick, malty layer of bittersweet deliciousness. This beer really needs to breath to perform unlike the girl hog-tied in your trunk.

I will admit, I used to love this stuff and after slugging these down one night straight from the bottle I was a little more than unimpressed and I was a little ashamed of myself. I was really looking forward to this beer and you can imagine my disappointment. Once I poured it into a glass, it literally BLEW. MY. MIND. Well. I mean I liked it before so maybe it didn't blow my mind. My point is...pour it in a glass. I might not rush to get another six pack of this ($10.99) but I completely recommend picking up a pint at your local craphole bar. It's got an ABV of 5.0% so it's middle of the road there. It is a nice little treat and why the heck don't you treat yourself? Oh. And I think the new label sucks! (Just my opinion)

Drinkability: 6/10
Taste: 8/10
Value: 4/10
Curb Appeal: 6/10

Overall: 6.0/10